the Book Thief; completed!

it is, what? like 1.30 a.m or something but i can't get as remotely close to dozing off. i haven't taken any coffee, nor done any exercises for that matter. i just don't feel sleepy.

aahhh. i know why. because i am so eager to finish reading A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini by today! it is a must as people mentioned it few times that the book's awesome! very good! so that makes me eager to the extent of not being able to sleep that i may let my paranoia gets the best of me and whisper to me that i may eventually be an insomniac. speaking of insomnia, people go around telling other people that they are insomnia, or even have the guts to put it up on Facebook or any networks possible, saying that they are having fits of insomnia. OK, if you want me to reveal the truth, i did that too, few times. but i am regretting it now, because well my friends, insomnia is a disease, and who likes to swear her or himself to a disease now, am i right or am i right? i couldn't agree much to those who claim themselves as insomniacs when they are actually not, because like i mentioned, everyone wants to be free of disease right? i am guessing that none roots for being a diseased, or even marginally close as a carrier? who wants that, can you answer my question and let me free from curiosity now and then? in case you ask, i did have insomnia attack once, if it was really insomnia, not the post-coffee effect.well, it was terrifying. it made me felt all alone in the night and completely felt like a maniac who tried so hard to sleep by trying to hugs as much pillows she could collect, playing and replaying songs over and over again, keeping her eyes as close as glued eyelids, or anything of that sort. it was loathsome. so no, i suggest you stop claiming yourself as insomniac now would you?

oh, don't read this with an idle mind because then you cannot content that much of excitement as i am having right now. TOMORROW is a HOLIDAY! who cares by what reason we are granted with holiday. what's important is that TOMORROW'S HOLIDAY. no class or no posting tomorrow because TOMORROW'S HOLIDAY, meaning i can do whatever i want and go where ever i feel like since TOMORROW'S HOLIDAY!! phewh.

i was poking the cake. cool, i know.

i have gained weight.

 

 

fine by me

well hello world. probably i am not in a good shape while i am writing this particular post. there's a part in me where hatred starts to grow, where disagreement plants itself slowly in my cardiac muscles. OK. here's what i don't get; why people hate that one particular person so much that even if she does something correct, she will still point finger at her and find everything she does is wrong, no matter how right she is, she won't be able to capture it as good,it is only wrong, and forever will be wrong. you lil bit confused now, aren't you? well, as you can see, this is a matter of two girls fighting silently, not for the whole world to see, just for those who keep eyes on them are able to smell the fishiness in it. this is a cat fight no more. for me, this has turn into a silent, deep wounded war, because, i don't like it when i hate someone! it causes me tinnitus, or even heartache, if i may exaggerate. when i hate someone, it will be all butterflies in my stomach. i won't be able to digest food easily, nor can i sleep at night in peace. i will forgive, but forget, well, who's to lie here? it is hard! extremely hard! headach-ingly difficult! it makes me obnoxious, every time! now you get it don't you?

naturally, it disgusts me to keep on hating someone. so i need to let go and move on. yes. that's what i need to do. maybe i shall let myself inhale good oxygen and then exhale out good carbon dioxide, and keep ventilating properly, letting the hatred goes along every respiration i take. or maybe i shall just defaecate and let along the hatred goes with the faeces too. now that sounds disgusting. i am at the verge of puking.

i am almost finished with The Book Thief and you know what? i will gladly, i mean it, gladly borrow it to you no matter how long you will take to finish reading it because my dear friends, it is a really nice book! can you see my brooding forehead? i am serious! it is so beautifully written.. and i pity Liesel so much that it aches me. and just kiss that poor guy will you Liesel? OK now i am in a fantasy. *slap* oh wait, make it double slaps!

baking hormone kicks in

lets say i have more than Rs 5000 rupees in my pocket right now, you know what i am going to do?

1. buy more and more of novels. i did strike me once that maybe i shouldn't heed to the urge of buying one because i have plenty yet to be read.i have more or less two rows of books on my book rack to be absorbed into. see. the actual truth is, i like to shop. it doesn't matter books or shirts or shoes or bags, as long as it requires shopping, then count me in.

2. buy some more Pashminas. but it saddens me that they are much more expensive buying them here in India. Malaysia, in comparison, are cheaper when Pashminas are involved! i saw one Pashmina which costs Rs 12 000! imagine that! though it's handmade, still, i could do plenty with that amount of money for God's sake!

3. BAKE. i will enlist what i have bookmarked yesterday because, well, i feel like baking! so browsing for recipes wasn't that hard to do when you have the spirit pumping in and out of your delicate heart! the only problem, matter-of-factly is that, my friend, baking costs you quite a fortune too. and considering the fact that i am pretty much broke right now, i can't just go on bake anything i want at this moment now, can i? unless someone be a sweetheart and buy me all those ingredients required, i will gladly do the honour of baking you a cake or something, just that i won't promise you that it will turn out to be absolutely nice. do i need to remind you that my brownie had had an epic failure?

i think those are pretty much it. if i have something else in mind, i'll let you know.

so here are few recipes i have bookmarked for my future references; 

this , or this , or maybe this? oh wait, there are more ; batella (word sandwiched) or oh yeah, this ? hold on! there is one more! how bout this one here ? 

well, say what you want, i have the mood and who can blame a girl for having such a hormonal imbalance? you know you will definitely sound like a jerk if you call a girl neurotic when you know that girls can be neurotic every once in a blue moon.


i want to bake! but don't you worry, i won't let you collapse with sugar shock or let your artery thrombosed if you are that worry, just have a spoon or two. i just want to make my hands dirty (and my kitchen too, although my housemates are going to kill me right after), that's all.

too fluffy too sneezy

it occurred to me once or twice, truth to tell, that probably it would be best for me if i shut this blog of mine down. i mean, sometimes i write unnecessarily, occasionally i write things that benefit me and you, pat on my head there, but it is, occasionally. most of the time, like i sad, i just go on rambling things unnecessarily, how many times should i tell you that? but that thought just don't resurface to trigger me to take action by really shutting this site down, because, well, can't you see? i like my blog and i like my rambling all right. OK. that is not the whole point of this post anyway. to put it mildly, i want to own a pet that i can play with, that will wait for me when i come home. i so want to own a pet, preferably a cat since i adore fluffy cats with flatten faces. they make my heart melts, too tempting you know. i like the Persian the best. the regular skinny type, well, to put it bluntly, don't give me that much interest, sorry. it's not that i abhor them, just that i don't have that much of urge to pet one. again, sorry. but dream was just dream because of some reason, which if you must know, one of the many is that i don't have that much of money to purchase one, and since Persian is expensive, so yeah, my dream just smudged into a film of depression, if i may exaggerate. owning a hamster did come to my mind once, but hamsters are too small to be held tightly in your palms and i did hear that they nibbles pretty hard that might cause holes in your hands. so i don't dare to buy them. well, cats do bite too. but cats are too cute to resist. though i have to admit, i have no experience or whatsoever relating to managing a pet since i never own one. not ever. my mom doesn't like it if you must know. i don't know which one; she is scared of animals or her hands are full with us, thence, i never have the capability of maintaining one. yes. owning a pet need that much of courage and maintenance. well because, you can't just assault them right? it is a sin if you pet them carelessly. so don't take the risk if you are not handy in the upkeep of their requirements and all. but hey. there are few of my seniors who own pets! beautiful cats! most of them, fluffy. OK cancel that. ALL of them are fluffy and that jolts me. don't you remember? i love fluffy cats! check these out:

how can you NOT fall in love with her eyes? *melt*

she is so playing hard to get!

brownie tak jadi.

the epic failure of making flourless brownie. i wouldn't dare upload the photo here because you'd probably puke right after. it is embarrassing to not having the success of making brownie! and that makes me sad. i was so into it the last time i checked. now i am in a deep excruciating pain, trust me, i know. well, don't abstain yourself from trying on my account darlings. do try if you are eager to prove to me that you can do it rather. i have already put up the link in my previous post. yes. i followed Nigella's recipe. just because mine was a mess, doesn't mean you can point finger to Nigella OK. she did it very well, or so i thought. but hey, of course hers is, in actual fact, very good right. that's why she makes a career out of it. after a while, i have came to a conclusion that what i went wrong was i added too much of butter, in the sense, i put extra of approximately 50g (i said approximately, i used my gut instinct on this one since i don't have the Rupees to own one weighing scale). don't be so pessimistic! so my brownie turns out to be all flooded with butter. yes, go figure. i am wondering, who would dare to get their hands on this one, because you might probably get your artery blocked due to the excessive intake of lipid. no,i am not joking. i mean it for real that my brownie really looks like chocolate-sponge bathed in butter flood. it did sound enthralling huh? well, to give you some more fright, i went berserk after seeing how my brownie looked like at the end of the baking process. you get my point now, do you? i guess apple cake is so much better after all. hmm..

oh for your information, my baking hormone doesn't get wiped off just yet albeit the epic failure of producing one sounded-easy-enough-to-get-my-hands-dirty-on-this brownie. maybe i will try again one fine day, or maybe i will bake some other brownies that contain flour in the ingredient! i guess baking with flour is far easier than without one! sigh.

i am taller than a vase.i am proud enough.

a dilemma

why do people hold grudges too strong to never let go, even a bit? i mean, all the good deeds are long gone in their eyes, they can only see the bad deeds that overpower the good deeds and for that, they hold grudges. it's like there is no way that they can erase them. like all the good deeds are midget compared to the giant bad deeds. OK i know i have repeated the same words all over again, but still, why can they let good deeds re-overpower the bad deeds? at this point, i wouldn't find my answer, would i? so i guess i will keep my mouth shut on this one.

please, if u want to spend time by doing something that doesn't really worth your time, then, could you please help me select which one of these is more yummy-licious to be baked by the end of this week? i am not a good baker, OK, even if i am good, even if marginally, i don't have the everyday mood to bake everyday, did i sound confused? sometimes i get the urge to bake, sometimes i am too lazy to even get my room clean. see? i need the kick of baking hormones if you want to see me rummaging the kitchen and browsing something good for recipe on the net to eventually produce cakes, or brownies, or some other sweet tooth. i am sandwiched between these two ; this or this ? maybe, if you are lucky, i will give you taste some if i have extra, and if, in actual fact, you are staying in the vicinity. so, why don't you try your luck by helping me choose! the apple cake sounds easy, but brownies, wallah, who can't resist brownies? brownies are..well, brownies! thence the confusion, so help me choose will ya? i planned to bake tomorrow, or maybe Friday, hoping that my baking-hormone-rush doesn't walk out just yet.

HELP ME CHOOSE!

no kidding.

imagine seeing petai in India for the first time! i mean, come on! i kid you not! boy oh boy was i overwhelmed. speechless, even. this is a rarest thing to happen in my life in India. i know this may sound bad, but could you please help me take it? i want to make sambal with it. *drool*

anyways, i haven't finished The Book Thief just yet. i have piles left unread, and that makes me sad. but my priority now has changed since i have month left if i take for granted the actual counting. i have a bigger priority which needs prioritization, if only my words are correct. sorry. grammar and I, aren't possibly the best couple ever.

OK i have come to the point where i got blurred and nothing comes to my mind to be scribbled down here. perhaps i should be off by now.

taa 

here and there

i have put on weight, and i do wonder, for the life of me, how can my feet withstand all the flab i have gathered over the month? it's either my feet are strong or my will power is big. both, maybe. i have gained two kilos and two kilos over the two weekends sound impressive, yet disappointing. a woman gaining weight is the one who will blab along the way from room to kitchen, from college to house, from toilet to living room, to everywhere and anywhere, here and there, you get my point don't you? my advice; avoid them. or else, you are going to end up so tense that you will give your head up for a bullet to pass through. there is a big fat chance that i am going to lose even a kilo this week, so i will give it a rest. definitely, in fact, i will do something about it, but not just quite yet. later, trust me.

it occurred to me that maybe one day, i will return to India after my comeback to Malaysia for holidays with such a sincere heart and exploding spirits. believe me, all these time, i hadn't have the surge of sincerity inside of me and i am wondering when is the time that i am going to plant them inside every inch of my subcutaneous tissue because i guess that's the way to be glad you know. every time i come here, India i mean, a gang of tears trudged from my eyes as i held on and refused to go inside the boarding room, the plane too. i don't like it because that somehow makes me weak, more or less. i need a change, an acute one or else the whole five and a half years i am staying here will not be a great memory.

p.s: The Book Thief is nice! go get one! 


buffet, JP Palace, over-priced, but more or less, nice.

memory stays forever

life has been pretty hard for me.but as far as i know, i won't let myself got all cheesy and gooey and sticky with all the problems and obstacles that i should let myself cave in and do nothing, other than cave in, if that makes sense. you know, if you are in need of my opinion, I'll say that survival through high school, or college, is all about appendages, specifically, the hand (left or right is irrelevant). to put you in a better light, whether you overcome ridicule,acne,cellulite, rejection, unrequited lust, bitchiness and the rest of what can make high school or college or any of the sort awesome fun (not) is entirely dependent upon who maintains the upper hand. For example, there is one tempe (lets name her 'X'), X and i, in our long-standing efforts to destroy each other, are really involved in a struggle to establish who has the upper hand. some days her comeback lines are infinitely more eloquent than mine. other days i, to put it bluntly, kick arse. heck, yeah.

Zahirah finally managed to come down here and visit Mysore after all the time of cajoling. it made me happy, as in, euphorically happy as I actually spent time with her for no more than 2days. well, 2 days weren't enough, but 2 is better than none. anyhow, i have put up the captured moments of us being together on my Facebook account, so feel free to have a look at it if you have nothing else better to do. come to think of it, i did wear pashmina and that made my nerves electrified with both nervousness and joy. i did think i looked a little bit chubbier with a Pashmina, but never the less, cute. some agreed, some, just laughed and couldn't look at me for more than a minute or else they would probably make their stomachs exploded due to excessive laughing. 

oh how can i forget to mention that Mei Yee's birthday was a week ago and don't ask did we celebrate or not, because there was no way we didn't celebrate her birthday, it's her birthday for the love of everything. she chose Elements as her getaway spot (we didn't have any other choices either), so we had a little party there. i didn't intent on writing a long essay explaining on what we did, just that in my frame of mind, i wanted to say something sweet to her as due to some *ahem*, i forgot to write my speeches on her birthday card. so here. i hope you scrolled down up to here and read what i wanted to say to you, love.

dear Yot, i know it's cliche but still, Happy Birthday! have great years ahead! i love you. i know you do know that i will always love you. why, you ask? because being me who is too unfathomable, with this big fat mouth on me, hardly can cling to a friend pretty awesome, but you proved me wrong. you understand me in a way that i couldn't explain. the patience you have for me is magically unquestionable. the amount of care you give me, makes me feel like i have someone to hold on to, you know what i mean? i thank you for everything. i really am sorry for all the troubles i put you through. i apologize for all my wrongdoings, for all the bad deeds i've done to you. i wish you the best of luck in anything and everything. i do love you. i do appreciate you though i don't know how to portray my love and care to you, but i really am honest. happy birthday, again.

p.s : my tears got welled up, and i hate to be all emotional. sorry.

i realize i need to stop emo-ing or else i will end up plonking myself onto a pillow, crying like i am an abandoned child, but i must say this, i don't care. sometimes it's easy to lose faith in people. And sometimes one act of kindness is all it takes to give you hope again. So,thank you Asida for never give up on me, thank you Mei Yee for being the pillar of my strength these few weeks, and thank you Zahirah for never lose hope on me. even though i am weak, even though i am too emotional, even though i am irrational, even though.... well, i am tired to think of the 'even thoughs', just know that i thank you all with all my heart and i will love you, always and forever.

zahirah

asida

mei yee

what is the temperature?

this summer is getting hotter that i could boil eggs with the direct heat liberated from my body! what i did wrong today was that i let my food got all drenched by black pepper sauce, which makes me feel all heated up now!i exaggerate not. seriously though, you do know that when you take too much of black pepper sauce, you will end up lying under fan with the highest speed, naked, if you must, right? summer+excessive black pepper sauce= I'm doomed!

i will go through all the trouble for you all my lovelies by jotting down every novel in my collection, whether i have read it or not doesn't matter because being me, who has no talent in managing time well and smart, having plenty of unread books but still goes on books-shopping spree, is totally tolerable. i will do that, one fine day, which is not today, since today i wasn't feeling very well because i have shoveled up too much of rice drenched with black pepper sauce. did i mention drench? yes. it is the undeniably correct word. i am screwed.

plus, my Wi-Fi connection is too slow that i probably going to shoot my modem and let it char. OK. i won't.

 
 what is wrong with me?!
 

MY LOVERS.

phew. it is a huge relief when you have blurted out everything that had been stuck inside your thoracic cavity. of course, you might have an edema of the eyes due to intense crying, but the feeling of the post-heart-to-heart moment is priceless! OK let me put you in a non-brain-dizziness way; i had obstacles, more like humps and bumps (if you will) in my path these few weeks, or month, i hardly kept track because well, i was busy emo-ing, and i was keeping everything to myself. hm i guess this is more tangling than a misdid braided hair than the previous one. OK let me try again; this evening, we were discussing-by 'we' i mean us, housemates- on how to enhance our togetherness, because well, we all had been pretty busy with our own matters in hands, so we inevitably skipped eating together or hanging out with each others, and that made us sad because living afar from family, we are what we have. hence they are what i have and i wouldn't want to waste them for some mind-blowing problems which ultimately make me the odd one out, you know what i mean. so after hours of chit-chatting, we agreed to the terms to not let each others slip away ever again, and never to mind our own business because since we are living under one roof, bumping into each others everyday, technically own business are our business. sorry if my words leave out a big question mark. boy, i am tired. 

to tell you the truth, i love them unconditionally. if you think infinity is enough, you are wrong. because my love for them is beyond infinity, which, i couldn't come out with the exact one word, but it is still 'beyond infinity'. thank you for dealing with me in a way that i have never seen before with no one else but both of you guys. thank you, for real.

now, hear this ; my must-do-list which will be valid till Saturday; 

1. finish both Fifty Shades of Grey (i regretted reading this in the first place) and Does My Head Looks BIG In This ( this is beyond super awesome. so listen to me; go get this one fast!)
2. CLEAN my room unimaginably clean as Zahirah will be coming tomorrow, insyaAllah. yeay!
3. bake cakes, or brownies. oh, umph, yummy!

still remember how Gossip Girl said this ; X.O.X.O? 
well then, X.O.X.O

3.

huh?

busy-busy!
i hate Wednesdays-Fridays' classes as they all end at 5 o'clock, let alone all theory classes, mind you! i can bear the first few hours, then dozing off is what i always do. i am sorry.
so, the fact that knowing Zahirah has a chance to visit Mysore makes me enthusiastic! i am on the verge of vomiting, in a good way. i guess i have no idea what to write today, that explains the horror of this post. taa.

one mission.

this is a short post, if you agree with me.
but then again, i don't really think i give that much of my attention to your thought that this post is a long one or the opposite. who are you again? NO. i don't mean it in a rude way. don't get too defensive now will you? it's just that if you think this post is long and you feel bored to read till the end, then leaving sounds like a good idea, don't u think?

OK. my mission as per right now ; clean my room squeaky clean, giving no room for cockroaches to breed and put them in a total awe! i will need a lot of stamina to do that because, well, my room is terrible in a way that to put you in a better light, lets just say that the shopping mall's store is so much cleaner than my room. my playlist is playing. my mood is heightened. so shall I?

listen to me.

I know I am going to hurt a lot by writing everything down here,by that I mean everything that has been clogging my mind right now. but I'll bite.
sometimes I don't get it why people let temper prevails logic, sometimes I do. because to tell the truth, I often let anger reign over me. OK. i see that there's no need for me to beat around the bush, i am sad after all. so, what i am actually gonna say is that, i am quite depressed when someone talks harsh to someone else. harsh, in the term of cursing. i hate cursing! i try to look afar on whats the victory beneath the after-cursing, like, what kind of relief that people going to get overwhelm with after they curse someone. i tried. OK, to be honest, i do curse (though i hope i could write 'did' instead, but OK, i said i am going to be honest, so there goes), but what i am going to feel after that is guilt. yes. guilt. depress, even. and you will get nothing good when all the guilt get drenched all over you, if you know what i mean. well, i guess by the time you are reading up to this, you are wondering what had happened to me, like for real. but i suppose i'd appreciate best if you just keep the deluge of questions to yourself, because in case you haven't noticed, i am tired of questions. but even so, i question myself often. again, don't ask. it is hard to advice when I myself cannot act what my mouth talks, still, i see there's no harm in advising so listen; when you are angry, just keep the curse to yourself. it is hurtful to hear them. believe me, everyone makes mistake, but that doesn't mean they cannot be forgiven. i know ''forgive and forget' is not suitable to be implied these days, but at least 'forgive' is a carry-forward thing, no matter what era you are in, let's just say, your life will be a whole lot easier if you forgive. yes, i know. it crushes your heart, it burns your body, it chars your head, it fries up your brain, but still, if you let others' mistakes slip away and you let yourself forgive, trust me, you will feel like there is a huge relief, massive, vast, ginormous. i don't say it is easy, but there's no harm in trying. having said all these, i intended to conclude with two things i.e I AM SORRY and PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

if i let myself torment myself, describing myself with bad words, i probably going to end up all depressed. so, it is easier to say that i am just like a conundrum, in which, people cannot find any solution or any conclusion, if that makes sense. but no matter how enigmatic i am, please don't stop befriending me and bring me to a better path. that's what friends are for, they say,right? 

other than being all emotional, i am more or less lazy. i mean, if you have extra-hardworking spirit inside you, do you mind to blow me some? ha ha. OK joke asides, please remind me to clean my room immediately tomorrow, or else i am so gonna provide suitable environment for the next generation of cockroaches!

p.s : i have finished reading The Devotion of Suspect X, and i loved it! seriously humans, go get one! better late than never, but don't be that late because they'll probably be sold out pretty soon! GO GET ONE!