Why am I so homesick?! T.T

You and I'll be safe and sound.

Oh wait, really? We both know, coming back to India is a bit of a chaos since your emotions are all unstable and on the verge of breaking down. Plus, you will definitely deviate from your ray of focus every 5 minutes or so, so safe and sound you say? Nah. The other thing is that I find it hard to brush off, scale down my jet lag from my travelling yesterday. So I don't blame myself if I found myself keeling over every 15 minutes. Lets just say, I miss home, hence the complaining begins.

Ok.i.should.just.shut.up.

That munchkin.

Serious conversations between Danial and I, and my mother, whom I love dearly.

Me: Danial nak pegi school x?

Dani: xnak. Nanti abg tumbuk friends nantiiii...

Me: ish. Not good. Kalau friends tumbuk abg nnt cane? Ha..

Dani: abg mati la..

T.T

In the car;

Danial: ei. Smelly la! Tutup nose!

Me: aah la.. Smelly. Why smelly?

Dani: sbb ade lorry sampah Depan tu (pointing at a lorry in front of ours)

Me: eh. Aah la..ade lorry sampah.. Lorry sampah bawak ape? (Giving him this sarcastic look thinking he won't be able to answer my question since he's just two years old plus, and he was supposed to not know, or so I thought)

Dani: lorry sampah bawak sampah la (giving this look saying 'whattttt??you don't know????'

Me: *crying inside* good job mate.

In the toilet, while my mother cleaned his poop;

Mother: lain kali abg tell la others bile berak, barula taik xkene bird abg.. (Yup, he is still being potty trained. And obviously, he is the one kid that is nauseated by dirty things such as mud, wet slippers, his own vomits, his own poop, to name a few.)

Dani: Jiddah( which means grandma in Arabic, which he calls my mother with)!!! Abg berak!!! 

Mother: *abstained from laughing* dah berak tak yah la jerit bagitau dah.

And I laughed my lungs out outside the toilet.

 One evening; 

Dani: Micah( the name he calls me), tlg amek kan ball abg please.

Me: where is your ball?

Dani: bawah stairs. Tu. Tu.

Me: *struggling to creep below the stairs just to take his Thomas ball.* nah ball.

Dani: good job mate!

Me: be careful ok. Don't breAk Jiddah's vases collections.

Dani: are you shua? (Read: are you sure)

Me: -.-''

I saw a drink they sell in CCD named WTF, and I was like, whaaaatttttt the hey!

Not to be overly dramatic, but it was 11.12.13, 24 minutes ago.

So, I have three more days left before I leave for Malaysia, which I am super excited. Don't question me why am I staying here when I should be home weeks ago, because to be honest, I questioned my decision quite a lot that I felt very much in agony. But, I stop questioning myself after I thought;' hey you know what, you've made your own choice, YOUR own, no one is gonna deal with it but yourself, so move on lady!' And here I am, moving on, counting days to home. Oh, had I not told you that I am very proud of myself for making me a double chocolate pudding? It's not a regular chocolate pudding, it's a DOUBLE chocolate pudding! How awesome is that, huh? For a chocolate-craze-lunatic like me, I would say that that pretty much satisfied my obsession for chocolate at that point of time. I say at that point of time because while I am writing this, reminiscing about my chocolate pudding; how it tasted, how it was soft yet not too ooey gooey, how it was not too sweet and yet it was marvelously delicious, my stomach is grumbling, longing for chocolate. Oh, had it not because of my chocolate pudding that I managed to not spend my money on Ferraro roche. I am trying to save here, if you cannot sense the gist of my thoughts. 

Bad decision

Why do I have to be the one who always makes the wrong choice??!! Why I always opted for the decision that I trusted to be the one that's good for me but yet it turned out to be the worst choice to choose. Yes, I regretted my stay here, I should have just gone long back, on the first day of the holiday itself! Yup, rub some dirt on my face, why wouldn't you, huh?

Chocolate pudding

My chocolate pudding is in the fridge, I am waiting impatiently for it to chill. It should take three hours to chill, best if overnight. But lets be honest, patience is not my strong suit. Plus, when it comes to chocolate, I couldn't refrain. Don't you ever say, I just walked away, I will always want you. See you in another five minutes, chocolate pudding! 

What am I saying?

All I need to do right at this moment is that, I need to shovel off any negativity and unwanted stuff from my thoughts. All this negativity is driving me nuts, jeapordizing my life. I guess the best way to get your ass out of your misery is by dumping unwanted things afar, ditching every single negative vibe, and set your priorities right. Alas, my previous days of doom didn't end well because I was too busy being jealous for stupid things. The thing with jealousy is that, you always find yourself so helplessly inferior, which in turn causes you to just isolate yourself from others because you hate that alien feelings you feel deep inside your gut. So When you isolate yourself, you will have no confidence at all to do whatever you want to do, or whatever you do best, just because you are burdened by the inferiority, and that inferiority is the consequence of your stupid jealousy. You see where I'm going here? 

On the serious note, I feel like making chocolate pudding. Gah, I am all over the top mad for chocolates right now. Pity me.

I thought of making homemade churros.

My passion for cooking, and baking, if I might add, is huge, let me tell you that. Yes, I am a medical student studying in India, currently in the end of my third year. Having said that, of course I am busy, if I say so myself. Life is hectic here. Still, I like to do what I love to do, like cooking for an example. Some of my friends did ask me, where I got all the time to bake, or why am I so rajin because if they are to be taken into considerations, they are very busy and they couldn't find the time to cook or bake. Seriously? First of all, you just have to steal time to make you a good dish, don't you? If you can survive with eating outside food coz you can and you have stash of money to do so, then please, I have no right to say no. But, I reckon that I would have to sooner or later cook for others too, my parents, siblings, my kids and husband too. I won't let them starve, no? Plus, cooking won't take that much of a time, trust me. If you are pro or talented enough to work fast, or to do two things together, then it won't take you more than an hour for a simple meal. Last time I checked, I could cook both fried vegetables and sambal telur within half an hour. Oh, and rice too. See? Secondly, matter-of-fact-ly speaking, I am busy myself. Posting is tiring because you have to stand for two hours straight. Theory classes  are too. Superficially, we are all busy doing what we've got to do. It's a matter of how you manage your time and how you orient your living. It's as simple as that. Third, when I bake, I often follow the easiest recipe I could find and that I think I could do, within my capability and within the time allocated for me to produce a cake. I don't like those finicky recipes and those that give too much hassle. Moreover, my kitchen area is small, giving me little space to work. So easy recipe is a go for me.

Right now, I feel like making a homemade churros. But I am fasting today so I think I have to bury that thought deep inside my head and let it arises back when it is near to the time to break fast. My stomach grumbles like crazy for the thought of it. Plus, I won't just break fast with only churros, right? I have to think of something appetizing to wolf down when I break fast! Oh honey, I am lack of produce to even make one good dish. I need to go to the supermarket but I am tired. Meh.

Natural, always.

The reason why I don't want to indulge myself in baking red velvet cake or rainbow cake is because I don't agree in giving people who eat my cake to consume a lot of food coloring. I don't really into food coloring, not that I against it, but I am not a fan when it comes to food coloring. I control my cake. I don't like my cake to be too sweet either. I prefer more bland than sweet. Since living in India makes you eat a lot, hear this, A LOT of MSG and salt, I don't want my cake to be as unhealthy as those colored cakes give. Correct me if I am wrong, but who like to eat unhealthy food for their brains? If I ever make a rainbow cake, I'd have gone to the natural coloring one, where I use beet root for red, turmeric for yellow, carrot for orange. But hold on,  I don't dare to get involved in so many steps to make just a cake, because I have a small oven only, with a small baking mould-which explains the consumption of hours and high threshold of patience. Plus, I don't even have a baking tray! So as for now, rainbow cake and red velvet cake are off of my bucket list.

note to self

There were points in life where i doubted myself, where i questioned myself. There were quite a few times where i regretted my decisions. Take 5 minutes ago for example, I sat on a chair quietly, my thoughts were spinning like an unstoppable carousel with no gear, no control, regretting myself on deciding to leave for Malaysia late. I should have gone early. I should have just follow my housemate and few other friends. Now I am stuck here, clueless of how to engrave my sad emotions. There are other things i regret about, but hey, time has passed and i am not living backward as I am going forward, every second. everyone is. so I guess I should just pity myself and go on with whatever I have left. I need strength. I just hope that someday, one fine day, my decision, what I have chosen, is correct, and that I will eventually get benefits from it and that my life will be happily ever after. For now, I just have to gather my strength and just go on with it. yes. go on. 

Dilemma.

If I live in Nilai since I was in form one, does that mean I am a Nilai-an? Or should I answer I am from Melaka because both my parents are from Melaka? Or maybe I should just say that I am from Selangor because my birth place is in one of the hospitals there? Oh wait, but i spend most of my time in KL rather, so it makes me a KL-ian??? Up till this time of the year, I still am confused what to answer when someone asks me this magical question ; 'where are you from?' . Most of the time I answer KL, sometimes Nilai when I am surrounded with few bunches from Nilai too-simply because I want to feel like we are coming from the same place, so we have this translucent bond of togetherness just because we are from the same place. Once or twice I coin myself from Melaka. And often, I claim myself that I am from KL because everyone knows KL, so there's no tension in answering the next chain questions of which part of KL I am, bla, bla. I feel flexible but this is not considered as cheating, is it?

Good night world!

An issue which hurts me.

The good thing with evolution of so many electronic appliances and technologies, it makes your life a whole lot easier. For example, you don't have to be worried sick about your loved ones whenever you're far from them, you can just call, or text them, or just whatsapp or wechat or anything of the sort. It is easy. Although the feeling of missing them so badly won't just shovelled off, still you can at least know about their whereabouts, which is kind of enough to ask for this particular situation, which is living afar. But the really bad and ugly thing I seem to realise is that people who always- listen carefully, always as in 24-hourly always- play with their phones, texting, calling or whatever they aren't supposed to do in some kind of situations, have not been showing the least of this one magical demeanour to own, which is called respect. Seriously, when you are at a dining table, you need to dine, not to play with your phone and dine. It's not like you are dealing with the most dangerous crime and if you don't text while you eat, then the world will go wrong. Or, it's not like you're dealing with someone who is in coma and you need to answer your messenger fast because only you can provide the medical rescucitation. Worse yet, when you are speaking with someone, or when someone is using his energy to work their mouth muscles and exercising their vocal cords to actually make a conversation with you, you can't just flex your head, look deep into your phone, and fatigue your fingers replying messages, which seem to be unimportant for the moment. That's what I call rude. If my kids do that, I would be pissed off and I will ground them for a week with no phone. I guess that's why my mom was mad when I used my phone while we're eating together. If I remember well, my mom once threatened to give a long throw of my phone if she ever sees me playing with phone while eating again. Now I understand why. Texting is one thing, but to play games in the middle of eating or in the sea with people reconnecting with each other in a cafe or wherever, is much more unacceptable and intolerable. I have this one friend of mine who liked to play the fishing game on his phone. He's not only playing it, he also got all self absorbed in that game till the day I scolded him and gave him a good talk about having some respect and not to be rude. I couldn't muster why does playing phone is so important that some people won't just give it a chance to actually mingle when everyone is around him or her.

The reason why I elaborate so much about this is that I just found my friend playing the fishing game, AGAIN, while I was talking and while eating. What a combo! I guess I need to coax him in a very gentle coax to make him understand that there are times to play phone and there are times that playing phone isn't necessary. 

7 facts.

After watching chains of videos and vlogs of TiffanyAlvord, I feel dramatically excited and the overdrive nerve excitations empowers me making me plan this crazy vain idea of listing few facts about me. It is Tiffany-ly possible, isn't it? She made her lists, why wouldn't I? It's not like I can steal her spot light, it's just that I have this post-exam stress to be brushed off. Plus, this is a gist of what I am like, so people can know me better.

1. I am the youngest in my family, and I currently have two nephews, both by name Danial.

2. Right now, I am studying medicine, in the hope of becoming a good doctor. Am in my third year now. Life is hard. But the hardship makes me, me.

3. I have glossophobia. I don't know where does this come from because the last time I checked, when I was in my primary school, I entered few competitions that required me to speak in public. I still remember once I had to be Aladdin. It was fun! I got to laugh the way Aladdin laughs. I got to wear a moustache and a beard too! How awesome is that? You don't have to have hirsutism to have moustache and beard. Hehe. Unfortunately, along the process of growing up, I gained this fear of speaking in public and I can't even stand upright on the stage, or even when I am in my viva voces! It's pathetic in a way, because if I don't conquer my confidence and I let myself drown in that fear, I won't be able to gather trust from my patients in the future right? Who would trust a person who prescribes you medicine but doesn't know how to explain things and tremble all over till her pen drops? Who would believe a doctor when she herself looks agitated and sweat like crazy? I have to, and I will learn not to continue on living a life with glossophobia.

4. I like to cook, and make desserts. I am very fortunate to have a very thinking-ahead type of mom because with her help, I can now make my own meal. I was trained to cook for my family since I was 15 years old. Whenever I had holiday back then, my mom always asked me to cook for the whole family for dinner. At first I didn't really into it, I sometimes escaped the duty and gave lists of excuses. But right after the first time I got to cook and prepared a dish for my family, I felt really amazing, REALLY. I felt ecstatic to see my family ate my dish. I felt a huge amount of relief. The looks on their faces, the happy stomachs, the comments, were all worth it. And the next day, I found myself impatiently waiting for evening to arrive so that I could cook for them, again. Oh, and to be honest, in the beginning, I felt like my mom was actually bullying me,abducted me, asking me to do all the chores. I felt like my mom didn't love me. But hey, my mom really loved me. She knew that I need to be able to cook and do the chores myself sooner or later, here and there. she knew that I need to survive on my own, and that if I could practice early, my life would have been so much easier. She's correct. Mother does know best.  Right now, I find myself having no trouble to get my stomach filled. Thank you, mom. The slight problem is that I don't really have time to cook good dish. I find it hard to juggle between study and cooking or baking, for that matter. 

5. When I cook, I will morph into a different person, a person who will snap when my co-chefs don't get my orders right, a cook who will be very mad if someone disturbes her cooking, an amateur cook who will isolate herself from the real world. My friend can justify to that. Hehe

6. Pink is surely my favourite colour. I feel like a princess when I wear pink. And I love to step into the delusion of me being a princess. Oh, wait a minute. I am a princess, boo.

7. I dream of owning a restaurant where people can chit chat while having the best dishes in town. I would die to have a dessert bar too. But sadly, I don't have the hands to actually have a dessert bar. I can only bake simple stuff, nothing really fancy. I am sad.

I guess 7 is enough. 

Yup, a total breakdown at the wrong place and wrong time.

The worst, totally blah moment is when you have your exam tomorrow and you started to feel all chilly and goosebumpey that you actually have eyes welled up with tears. On top of that, you have your family wayyyyyy farther than you and actually enjoying themselves in New Zealand, with both of your too-adorable-I'm-gonna-choke nephews, watching my sister graduating. Ah, life is good. T.T to even crush every arteries I have in my cardiac, i dreamt of laksa, burger bakar, meatballs and whatnot just the night before. What you say? I need a sudden jolt of electric shock to make me realise where I am now and for me to get an iron-clad grip? Ok, do me the favor. Because, if I haven't made myself anymore clearer, I am that homesick and I feel like every lacrimal cells I have are going to dry up. 

Oh, I really want to eat curry, right at this moment!! Let them jeer and taunt me for hungering on curry as India is cliche with curry, but you have to be in my shoes to really understand this; Malaysia curry is wayyyyyy more delicious than India's. Plus, they don't really make curry, curry. They call it masala here, which is a curry-kinda-gravy, except more thicker and spicier (and as matter-of-fact, too salty and drowning with oil!) than the ones that I enjoy back home. I want my mom curry. Be it chicken or fish, I can still lick my fingers joyously.

The doubts upon being a medical student

After almost three years studying, having baby steps in medical school, being a medical student, I have never stop thinking, wondering, whether or not I will survive well in this field of study, whether or not I can be a good doctor whom patients trust, a great doctor whom persons can rely on. All these thoughts just keep rotating in my head, like carousels, spinning wildly, making me all confused and hesitated. Seriously, there are times where I have difficulty in remembering the diseases' names, there are times where I go all blank in answering the treatment or management of a certain disease, there are times where I give this blur face with a dumb look whenever patient asks me something. To treat a person, you need his trust, and trust is earn, honey. You can't just torture someone into trusting you and gag him to death if he doesn't trust you. You have to show him that you're worthy of his trust and you need to respect him in order for you to gain his trust. After all, the exact definition of trust is firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something, which, I dearly took from wikipidea. See? It's a FIRM belief, not just a shaggy, soggy, saggy belief, dully, blunt belief. It's a FIRM one. Coming back to my issue, for me to excel in treating someone, with Allah's permission, that is, I need to have full cooperations from my patients, and exactly, to receive their cooperations, I need their trust. If I am to continue on writing my ramblings, it will eventually come back to the trust issue. So to just cut to the chase, I hope that I will study well, understand things deeply, not just superficially, and understand that I have to work hard in order for me to success in this field of study I am taking. 

Oh, and one more thing, when I become a doctor, I hope that I act professional and won't flush and won't be shy when my friends come and consult me. Hehe.

Salam maal hijrah

My Facebook newsfeed is jammed with either 'my convocation photos' or 'my wedding photos'- other than 'Thor 2 rocks', that is. Yet, I am still sitting, stalking afar, with out any convo photos, or wedding photos in hand. Still, I am glad that my friends have or very close to achieve what they have dreamed of for their futures. I am really happy for them. Honest.

Salam maal hijrah. Happy new year. 

My humble opinions. Happy Diwali!

Firecrackers are bursting up in the air, Indian songs blaring from the speakers, sarees and all other Indian suits are being immaculately exhibited. All these are the effects of deepavali celebration the Indians are celebrating today. Our Malaysian Indians, they organized a big open house to celebrate deepavali  where they cooked a lot, by a lot I mean, seriously-too-many-kilos-of-chickens-and-too-many-pots-of-vegetables to be served to us last night. Phew, they must had burnt few kilos, I reckon.

Me myself, I have no plan to go anywhere during this holiday. OK. That wasn't the whole story. I actually planned to go shopping-WINDOW shopping due to my limited paycheck and my urge to save a little bit for the future since I am always the one who promptly turn into a vegetarian for my bankruptcy issue at the end of the three months- at Bangalore. But it didn't turn out the way I pwanted to because my friend, whose name is ZAHIRAH (of course, I have to mention your name. What's good in not mentioning? Hehe), turned her back on me and refused to come to my place this holiday. Obviously, I sulked, I gloomed, I pouted, but hey, you have your good reasons, hence you're excused. But I miss you though. So what I did to occupy myself and to satisfy the necessity of me to improving my cooking, I cooked different menus at different timings, and as for now, I guess I have filled it all, breakfast, brunch, lunch, tea time, dinner, and supper. It was hectic and tiring, but hey, I'm not complaining. I love it somehow. 

Anyhow, Facebook is now rife with so many issues,which partly is considerably within the range of soundness of mine, partly completely beyond the reach of soundness of mind, like, the one small kid who wore a bikini and vlogged with one string of the bikini hung on the shoulder, of which perhaps to seduce or attract people to look at her vlogging, or maybe her mum coaxed her to do it, either way, it sounded wrong and very sightly wrong. Other example is, this one OK-she's-kinda-cute-if-she-didn't-try-so-hard-to-be-one post on YouTube, where she repeatedly mentioned that her eyes are beautiful and somewhat cute. Oh honey, just engulf the fact that your irises have their own beautiful colour and deal with them! Oh, let me speak to you about this one status on Facebook, my friend posted, on the cruelty of being a non vegetarian and the honorable and holiness of being a vegetarian, because you escaped from being a murderer by murdering animals like chicken, or cows. She said in her post, that you, non-vegetarian (and that applies to me as well), should take one living animal and put it on your chopping board, then take your knife and cut the live animal, and see the animal gasping for air, yelping for help to survive and run away. Not exactly-xeroxly like that, but that delivers her message. So  what she meant to say was that us non-vegetarian are killers who don't have hearts? Hm. That made me  wonder, do vegetarians consider the fact that they compete with the animals for food because they obviously eat vegetables? Second, where do you guys get enough of nutrition, proteins, and all the others essential vitamins from eating vegetables and only vegetables? Third, why don't you turn yourself into a vegan because isn't eggs and cows' milk are from animals? Logical thinking aside, you should know that Allah has pointed us to eat what is halal and to stay away from those which are shubhah and haram. The animals are slaughtered for some reasons, take an example like during eid adha, which is to remind us of the sacrifices made by our Nabi Ibrahim and his son. Also, the animals don't simply died. The animals redha with their deaths that they want to provide good food for the humans to do amar maa'ruf and nahi munkar, just like how leaf accepts the fact that bug wants to eat him, and the bug accepts the fact that frog has hunger for him, and the frog understand that he is going to be eaten by an eagle. That's the way it works, that's the food chain stuck inside our head and that's the practical process occurring in this world. Sorry, don't get me wrong. I don't have rage inside of me and I am not here to debate and argue with anyone till we fight each other and bleed each other to death. I am just stating my opinions out and I am giving out my words softly and humbly to not hurt anyone. But lets be honest, I don't think it's appropriate to declair someone's cruel and ruthless murderer just because he eats animal. You can't just angel-ly (if that word even exist) say that your kind and your act is very true just because you don't eat animals. What if you accidentally eat vege-worm or ants or small bugs when you eat the vegetables contaminated by those animals or when you scoop out one spoonful of sugar and you don't realize there's one tiny little ant inside? Does that make you a murderer too? Does that give you reason to also commit in the alleged crime? OK, that's not the point. The point is, I humbly disagree with your words and you should just state that you're a vegetarian and you don't want to eat animal because you don't like the shear taste of it or something like that. Trust me, I sometimes declair myself a vegetarian (or pseudo vegetarian, I-matter of fact- can't stand not eating other than vegetables for more than two days) and I have few friends of my own happened to be vegetarians too. And I don't mind, at all. That doesn't stop me to love them or to mingle with them. We could eat together at the same time, the same place, the same table just fine. They can eat vegetables only, and I can eat animals only, and it doesn't matter. It doesn't signify them as the honorable piece and I as dishonorable figure. No, it absolutely doesn't. It just proves that we are humans, that we have our own perspectives and obvious rights to it and that we were born to have issues and disagreements and variety of ways of living but we don't simply judge people claiming that they are bad. With that, I thank you for having your time spend reading this longggggg post of mine. Before I actually end my post, again I would like to stress upon that my words aren't meant to be harsh and I am not trying to be all good and hurt somebody.i am just stating out my opinions and yes,you can have your own too. Thank you.

Rambling and so on.

I am really mad of myself right now. I spent the whole day today sleeping, not literally, but I slept more than any hours spent doing some productive works or being an effective student, hence I'd say I spent the whole day sleeping today. And if I am able to recollect well, I did waste this week by sleeping-which took more precious hours than I could count, outings, eating and other activities which I don't appreciate right now. Seriously, I know I am free enough to go randevour, but I shouldn't waste my time like that! To add more salt to the wound, I didn't even touch my book, or even clean my room! That's why I am mad. 

Last time, if I remember well enough, I wanted a room for myself. I wanted privacy. I wanted to sit quietly in my room, singing as loud as I could since they wouldn't really hear me singing. Other than that, I wanted things on my own too. Suffice to say, I was selfish back then. Well, I finally had what I'd wanted all those years. Except now that I had it, I feel as empty as unkempt pool I am dangling my legs into. Now that I've realised, nothing as ever as important to keep or to store, I feel like I should now change the way I view life, I should prioritize, I should manage myself to not be such a pain in the buttocks to my friends and people surrounding me. I never realize how much I miss having a roommate until I've lost my roommate, OK fine, she doesn't leave me farther, she just moved to the next room, but hey, she is my roommate no more. So you see, what you want isn't really the best for you. Because you have this thing we called nafsu, which overpower your thoughts and your consciences, making you want things you don't really need. I suggest, you prioritize. At the end of the day, nothing will you bring together with you when you die. 

Oh by the way, my memory card for my phone is damaged. I don't know what went wrong or should I pass the buck, but what I can muster is that I have no idea how to restore all my data. Yes. Call me a person-who-super-lacks-of-IT-knowledge, I just need my memory card to be a good boy back! 

Crush on Chester see

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=r8Vp980Xun4

This is by far my favourite cover to watch. Beautiful voice, plus beautiful face. (Not to mention, great biceps too) hehe

Wednesday

I was planning to write a post after I take my shower. But I think, I think, the heater isn't ready yet and it's cold right now, so post first, shower later. Hehe.

So for today, I cooked some weird mixing of eggs and cashew nuts with chillies. Since I didn't want to waste any of the cashews - I knew I won't be using it anytime soon so it might get infected with aspergillus before I get the chance to use it again- so I put the whole 100gm of it into my dish. So it was more of cashews than the eggs rather. Hence, my dish was over dominated by the cashew so it got kinda not tasty anymore. I wasn't that disappointed, truth be told. It wasn't that bad, OK. It was so-so. Furthermore, I had the experimenting done, so I have the experience. Do you? Hehe. 

I know I have been telling this for bazillion times, but I couldn't get myself enough of it. I miss my nephews!! I really miss them. I know I get a little obsessed, but hey, you have to get yourself nephews, or nieces, for that matter, for you to know that feeling I have now, both superficial and deep seated feeling of missing your nephews. I can't wait to bite those chubby-flabby-saggy cheeks of theirs!!! Hehe.

P.s : whenever I hear and watch Chester Sees singing 'the one that got away' on YouTube, I always feel like he is talking to me, ogling me , giving me that look of 'oh yes, you're the girl'. Ah, the sexy voice and that immaculate look, it makes me go all 'oh my goat cheese, he's so cute!!!'

Tuesday and wise words.

Tonight I cooked yellow chicken (my creativity to name my dish is out of reach right now. Yellow chicken sounds ew, but you know I used turmeric powder, do you?) with potato bites and lots of curry leaves. There was no hotness of chilly in my dish tonight so as to relax my gastric mucosa a little bit due to over erosion of yesterday's spices. No more spicy food for the night! Yet, mei eye cooked ladies fingers or okra with sambal belacan. You know the deal, when it is sambal belacan, it means pedas gile. Haha. But it was so delicious I couldn't resist. So there went my intention to say no to spicy food. Meh. Nevertheless, I enjoyed every piece of okras in mei yee's cooking. Asida made eggs with soy sauce and it was tasty too! Alhamdulillah, I am full up till now that I had already brushed my teeth because there was no question of whether or not I am going to munch something later this night. Yup, I am that full. Alhamdulillah.

Before I end my post, I'd like to say that if you feel mad at someone, or if you feel like there is something that you disagree on someone's plans or thoughts or any of the sort, I suggest you tell them directly and not to delay the telling. Because, I highly opine that maybe that person you're angry with don't actually know or notice that you're angry with them. So they act like they don't care, which you assume they are, since you didn't tell them in the first place. Don't hold your disagreement to yourself. Plus, if the thing that you're angry with could somewhat change that person to a better demeanour, than it's a win win, no? Por favor, holding a grudge is like holding a burnt charcoal. You hurt your own hands and of course, blacken them. So why are you holding it? I suggest you let go of it coz what you might not know is that maybe that burnt charcoal can create an intensity of heat which can cook a fish. What's bad in that? Good night, people.

Plan for this one month break.

So, hear me out, will ya? 

I'll be having a month break (not that actual break where you can sit happily at home without having to worry about your attendance and all, but the kinda free where you don't have your brain soaking wet with all the last minute study) before the next exam says hi. To me, that one month break is like, the most happiest gift my college could offer yet, other than holidays that is. I no longer need to cram my brain and ache my back sitting and taking naps on my chair. But hey, I'm not complaining. Deep down, I know I somehow appreciate my way of living because I can mould that experiences into one big lesson for me to survive in this world. I can grow up as a strong ironclad woman who has her aims and motives for living. Yes, I talk loud. I hope I act loud too.

Back to the initial intention of me writing this post. Since I have this one month stress-free, I am going to make a plan. A great plan, I'd say. I am going to cook at least 2days per week for this one month and I am going to make dessert at least once. Because you see, what I do best other than what I do best, is cooking. My cooking may not taste good, may not be impressive, may not be finger licking good, may not stimulate people's salivary glands to drool, but, at least I put every effort, every sweat I can in my cooking. I like to see people eat my dish. I enjoy having people enjoying my food. I love to see people smile eating my cooking. I am generous like that. Hehe. And to make my plan work, i am going to write down what I have been cooking for this November, and this plan is effective from today.

Today, I cooked chicken sambal with potatoes, which was extremely hot and spicy it made everyone flushed! Hehe. Sorry guys. I think my threshold for spice has increased way to high that I can't really sense the spiciness no longer.  My lovely housemates helped me too! They even prepared a dish, which complemented my chicken sambal by a whole lot! They made stir fried vegetables. It was yum! Oh, not to forget, I made musambi juice, which was sugarless, so you know how it taste, do you? Suffice to say, it wasn't good. Actually, that is an understatement. Haha. Other than my musambi juice, I think we have made a pretty awesome dinner for today. Alhamdulillah.

Flying thoughts

Alhamdulillah, exam's over. We get to rest for a month before the next paper comes. It's such a relief to get that one month. Trust me, I know better.

For now, i am going to get myself involved in an event called movie marathon. Have u heard of it? Hehe. And also, I want to polish my cooking or baking skills. Speaking of which, to make your cooking or baking skills more glistening, you need to experiment things yourself. Try and error, they say. Test your palate what combination suits best, which goes with which and so on. But in order for you to experiment, you need to have modals to buy the raw ingredients and everything. And boy, they are expensive!! Who says baking is cheap? 

Plans

Ever since I have this ipad mini, this website of mine where I pour my hearts and thoughts out, is no longer dusty and outdated, because it I keep updating it. I am not sure whether this is a bad thing or a good thing, but, what I know right now is that I should punch my face lightly because I shouldn't be here, writing this post. I should study instead. Tomorrow is ENT exam, and of course, I have too much to read it makes me feel anxious and obnoxious. 

These are my plans for tomorrow :

1. Watch new episode of the vampire diaries

2. Wash my clothes.

3. Jog around the lake, I have too much flabs to be burnt! Flabby stomach makes me soggy! I.have.to.melt.those.cellulites.

4.absorb into the wind up bird chronicle by haruki murakami and the choice by Nicholas spark.

5. Actually have the stage of deep sleep of NREM without having to be aroused every 10minutes worrying sick about exams!

And now, how am I going to achieve those when I am still here and yet, my books are patiently and sincerely wanting for me to read them! 

Salam Aidiladha, rakyat Muslim Dan Muslimin sekalian.

Today is aidiladha, which we call eid Bakrid here in India, and yet, I am still prepping myself up for the upcoming exam this Saturday which includes major proportion of the ENT subject! It's a bit daunting you know. Because, everybody is out enjoying their holiday and i am still stuck here, feeling apprehensive for I might not pass my exam this time, since I am too busy being jealous of everybody else who has the chance to go out, shopping and all, without having to worry sick about exams and everything. Plus, how can one sit and study solely when it's holiday? Holiday means holiday, you get to mingle around, empty your purse buying stuffs, ache your heels for running to catch the bus or train, watching the sunset with your friends, eat and drink gluttonily, et centra et centra. So, please, enlighten me, how to manage to lock yourself up in your room, study quietly, without deviating your thoughts every 5 minutes or so? 

UPDATE: I just heard one BIG issue!! Our university isn't recognized by the Malaysia's government anymore. This is a massive serious issue! They say we might need to sit for one exam to determine whether or not we can continue being doctors in Malaysia. If we pass, then we get to be the real medical doctors in Malaysia. If we don't, we have to wait and retake the exam again, till we pass that exam. That is so uncool!! That is the most insane news I've ever gained this week!! I mean, come on!! You have sweated your way, 5 and half freaking years here, having to deal with a lot of problematic hurdles and all, suddenly you're not recognized by the government and you have to take exam in order for you to actually pass your MBBS course. That is just crazy! I just hope JPA do something about it because boy, do I hate this a lot. 

Hello

Hi!  

I'm a friend of aisyah. I'm in Mysore right now. I arrived yesterday's early morning at 5.30am. We have done a lot of things. This is the list of our activities here:

1) baking pavlova

2) making laksa

3) visiting Mysore palace

4) window shopping at Mysore mall

5) played bowling

6) dinner at element's (I had ordered pepper steak and it was really delicious. I finished my food which I didn't usually do)

7) breakfast at kukrahali lake

I enjoyed my whole visit. Tonight I'm going back to mangalore at 10.15pm by bus and I'm back for my nerdy life xD

-zahirahzulkepli

Funny when you are of no fun.

There's completely no fun when the ones holding the upper hand dropped a bombshell just like that, within a snap of fingers! It's mean, you know, to drop a bombshell in the middle of this crazy day of preparing oneselves for exam tomorrow. Come on, why can't you wait till, let's say, tomorrow right after exam is over, at the very least? 

You know what else is no fun? Crying the night before exam!!! It makes your eyes go red and puffy and tired that you probably need to sleep because if you don't, they are going to hurt you like crazy, those eyes.

Dude, I sound psychotic.

Is it normal to be jealous of beautiful women? How is it normal? To tell you the truth,I like to see beautiful people, women especially. Ok, women only, except men like Ian somerhalder or Paul Wesley, other than them two, I really adore beautiful women a lot. Let me tell you, I like to see this one senior's of mine when I was in my secondary school, long back. She is really beautiful. She has been successful both in her love life and her career as well. That makes me admire her all the more. I like her, in a stalk-ish way, of course, but not that sort of stalking that I can't live without her or that I have to kidnap her or something like that. No, it's as simple as if I am her real best friend, I'd be very happy, and the plus point is, I could share her shear beauty as well by learning her style of fashion. How cool is that? I want to copy her kind deeds in any ways, and maybe steal her secret of having slim body too. Hehe. 

Asweh, it feels crazy to read me like this. Haha. Seriously, I am not as scary as I may sound. I am just, well, how to say, astounded by the gush of admiration.

UPDATE : Ignore the above ramblings. All I am jealous of as of right now is that all my friends are either continuing their masters or already preparing themselves for their first children, while I am still stuck here homesicking and worrying about my upcoming exams. Dude, I am jealous. 

An easy recipe, plus it's good too.

To whoever it may concern, this recipe I've created is one of the very most easiest recipe I've ever achieved, and it is a very great recipe to you who is that type of person belonging to a nag-duh group, of which I mean, the group of people who has peak of intention to get lean, slim, attractive body, by using absurd ways, either skipping meals or taking unproportionate meals, and with a little bit of laziness to prepare his own food-I am sure I am being sarcastic to myself here. Meh. I mean, come on. What does that give you? Protein energy malnutrition or just plain mushy-gushy-weak-and-slow body? 

Oh well, this recipe of mine is kinda useful to you too, who is that type of person who is on diet mode to get 6 packs or something like that. Ok, obviously you know who you are. *evil laugh*

So, ok. I think I shall proceed with the recipe before I get myself a good punch on the face because of that sarcasm. Hehe.

All you need to have is a fruit -or you can just chop every fruit you have on the counter-, and a cup, or a bottle, or a jug- whatever you are using- of water. Since I am on the verge of having to sell my own clothes and shoes to earn myself a living (haven't you heard, I am in the bankruptcy mode, hello) , I only used one pomegranate (thank you Asida for buying this for me) and a cup of regular water. All I did was get those tiny bits of pomegranate into a cup of water, and I pressed the bits with spoon, just to get that splash of juice from the fruit I was using. And then, I stirred it well. So there you go, a nice healthy drink in the attempt to become healthy- since I needed to bury that guilt I had inside my stomach due to overconsumption of ice creams and sugary goodness. You can do this with strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, well, hey. Whatever fruits you have or you feel like having, just throw it inside a cup! Or you can do a little twist by adding a few spoons of lime juice into it, it may tastes good too, I suppose.

Ok, now I need to focus on my books! Dang.

Exams are next week. Meh.

I don't know, everytime when exam is suffocatingly approaching, I will have this flowing of ideas on what to write on this blog and I will have the surge of rajin-ness to tap my keypad. I guess it's the adrenaline rush, eh? Probably I am too scared to be too busy, soaking my brain in this full-time-study-because-it's-the-last-minute-study, eh? Of course I am scared, call me a scaredy cat, I wouldn't mind. I am scared that what I read won't be asked on the examination, or maybe I wouldn't be able to steal time to read what I am saving for the last minutes before entering the exam hall since the bell will be ringed calling people in too loudly it ruptures my tympanic membranes. It happens ALL THE TIME! 

I just hope this time, I am going to give my best, put all my efforts at stake and hope that I'll pass with flying colours, InsyaAllah. 

Ah, the weather is so nice you know. I am getting to realize that everytime we are in exam's week, the weather will turn out to be so nice, so cheesy, so cold, so comfy, like we are caked with this humid-cold-chilly weather that we slip out from waking up early and that we doze off every five minutes or so. Seriously though, I won't mind if the weather is nice, if my bed get extra comfy, if the environment is cozy, I just hope that I could study well and be a great doctor in the future. I want to serve people well, because they are the ones who pay for my scholarship, in the first place. So, the least I can do is to be a great doctor. serve them well, and give them the best I could. That's what I am here for, there's no doubt in it.

Asweh, this air is too humid I feel like running off to my bed and get myself underneath that blanket and close my eyes silently and royally fall asleep. Heh.

growing up is a process

some people just need to actually grow up! physically, of course, but what i emphasize on is mentally. seriously, don't think you are the most stress up person, only you have the most problems in this entire earth or even thinking that last time you checked, you were the easy going person with full spirits and great achievements and that now you are not anymore. haven't you heard, life is like a wheel? one day you are at the bottom, next day you are at the top. then once again you'll be at the bottom, then you'll be at the top again, bla bla bla. why won't you noticed?

i know i have no right to condemn a person when he or she is in a terrible mood, but i am petty petrified to see someone who mourns, who reminisces about the past, who cannot stop comparing his or her past achievements with nowadays failure or the sloping down of performances. i mean come on, have you noticed that the last few years you were still a kid with a runny nose, but now you have obviously reached puberty and all? haven't you realized that last time you scored the most in class but right now you are just the so-so student? i mean, who cares? if you feel you are bad, change! time is still ticking you know. it's not like time will obediently stop ticking just because you majestically want to reminisce about your past and mourn and be sad for the rest of the day. there is really no time for that. so i suggest when you are drenched with emotional thoughts, you take a few minutes to think and plan what you should do to compensate things you regret and restart again. if you think the last time you checked you were a hardworking student and that now you're no longer the nerdy student, then reevaluate yourself again and be that hardworking-only-study-no-party student! get yourself back in track! NO ONE WILL CHANGE YOU IF YOU DON'T CHANGE YOURSELF! so stop emo-ing and start do something! stop lying on the bed, being gloomy and all, and start to work your ass off to achieve what you wish for! if you feel like you cannot continue on or too lazy to meet you goals , then stop dreaming! it's just a waste of time.

now, i should calm myself down.

like they say, keep calm and complete Community Medicine record!

Act wise. Harsh words bring you nothing but misery.

"Saya x bodoh, saya x bodoh, saya x bodoh"

Phew, this has really gone viral, eh? Sorry for I just watched that few minutes ago! Yeah, I was that busy. If I am allowed to put my opinions  at stake, I'd say that that ridiculous woman should not talk like that. She was the one who parked wrongly in the first place. He was just doing his job, wasn't he? If let say the roles are reversed, how would you feel when you face someone who did something wrong and since you have been allocated to look after the parking site, you must have talked to that person to park somewhere else, wouldn't you? And of course, you would absolutely have no idea that a person could be so cruel like that, right? Boy, that woman was harsh! I wonder whether she has a brain or not.  I might as well crush my brain answering the conundrum of where did she get the power to call a man, doing his job, 'lelaki dayus'?? Omg she really deserves the fiery hatred from the people who watch their videos. I pity that guy a lot! He was just doing his job for God's sake!

Speaking of which, a wise person told me this : so you see, if a security guard asks you to unzip your handbag and show what's inside it, just do what he asks you to do. After all, he's just doing his job! And that gave me an abrupt pang in the heart. You know, here in India, to enter even a small shop, we sometimes need to show our handbags to the security guards. We often have to be scanned before we make entry too. Boy,was I annoyed! Truth to be told, I seldom gave this angry look to them and just barged into the shops without showing my handbags. Yeah, I was that cruel. And this case has made me realized that I shouldn't repeat my mistake and never ever be the egoistic woman. I am wise, so I should act wise!

Good night folks!

I should stop giving away my thoughts, eh?

Had three successive days of sports day. Whewh, let me tell you this; my muscles are all cramped and I could once only limped, due to the unbearable cramped. I still enjoyed it never the less. To involve In such activity here, when all you have is less than 60 people who are from the same country with you, is kinda rare coz you seem we have to do everything by ourselves. It's not like the college will plan it for you and you just have to organize few things to reach the college's aims or plans or any kind of sorts. Our college is most concerned with their people, not us. I'm not being racist or regionist here, what I'm saying is that they won't ever held a special day only for us Malaysians, would they? So to have one particular event like this, organized by our own committee members, involving our own country people, was actually super fun- especially when all you wanted to do is to gather and have fun and not get drenched by the surge of winning and the emotional stress. 

I know, it's so much easy breezy cheesy to say and comment when you're actually the one who experience what people had organized or planned for you, not when you're actually the one who constructed the plans and worked your asses off to make the day come to a successful end. What I don't understand is that, is it really hard to cooperate well and just have real fun playing sports and joining in the games and not be over greedy to win prizes? Or is it the pride of being number one is what most people longed for? Or is it the ego to losing is what people are ashamed of? I don't know, please, enlighten me if you know, because let me tell you this, I am kinda blurry when I see people fight over a medal, or something similar. I guess that's the challenge you have to face when you are the ones at the top, eh? If and only of you want my opinions, here, I'm so much free to share. I supposed playing sports gives you joy and excitement because your body sweats a lot, and they give you refreshment, revitalization and renergization. Yes, of course, people once they enter a competition, must have the feeling deep in their chest, to winning that competition. But a wise person should understand, that in order to win, you have to play safe and play with full honesty and give full cooperation to the ones who hold the games. After all, how can we taste the ecstasy of being successful if we haven't licked the sadness of failing, right? 

Now I should go and save my life for writing this post. 

Home, you are missed!

Why Blog? Because this is the medium that I have which is considerably half-private. Why not Facebook? Because it's truly exposed and if I ever use Facebook as the medium to disclose my thoughts and comments-and probably my ugly hatred towards few things which, of course, I hate- it'd tantamount to putting myself in a big fire surrounded with people who are holding spades and knives, ready to attack me because theya re angry and they have the power to do so. Thence, I'd prefer be here alone with my blog, talking to each other like we have a mutual interest. so there you go, feel free to understand that I don't loath impatient people, I just hope they be the exact opposite to that.

"O Prophet! Rouse the Believers to the fight. If there are twenty amongst you, patient and persevering, they will vanquish two hundred: if a hundred, they will vanquish a thousand of the Unbelievers: for these are a people without understanding." Surah Al-Anfal 8:65

Do you get it? By being patient, you can win extravaganza rather than just win, the vain win. do you see? By being patient you can pretty well conquer every hurdle, every challenge, winding your way to reach the top? Do you understand that by being patient, you can bang all those obstacles with ease?

Seriously though, I am not judging. I don't say you are impatient, or I am patient, or we both are impatient. Who am I to judge? Plus, I don't hold the upper hands. What am I saying here is that, be patient. Don't you admire people who would smile and just gulp down their rage into their guts and let smiles wash off the flush of blood due to the surge of anger? I absolutely do. 

Then again, like I said, i don't come here to tell you about who I hate or who I like or who did wrong or who did right. I don't have the might to do that. I am here just because I would like to stress upon being patient, because patience is a wonderful gift to have and once you have it, I am pretty sure you will survive anything, anywhere.

And the reading begins..

is it possible, in the final analysis, for one human being to achieve perfect understanding of another?

We can invest enormous time and energy in serious efforts to know another person,  but in the end, how close can we come to that person's essence? We convince ourselves that we know the other person well, but do we really know anything important about anyone? - the wind-up bird chronicle, haruki murakami.

Can I bake?

My heart is pumping so loudly saying that I can't wait for this internal happening on Saturday to be over because I am so in the mood to baking cakes.

Update : por favor, I just want this exam to be done with *seriousface* 

In mood for baking. Talk amateur home cook.

You know what i loooooveeeed doing last weekend?? I googled a bunch of recipes and I let myself being ambushed and stressed out for not having enough bags of money to pay for any of those baking things like silicone mat, springform pan, silicone spatula, cupcakes moulds, measuring spoons and cups etcetera etcetera. Seriously, I kid you not. If I count well, I might have to be a vegetarian and eat only carrots and tomatoes to survive another two months or so. Meh. 

It'd be so wrong to just google things and being dreamy to buy one but do nothing to serve the purpose. Wanting to buy baking mat but purposely give no time to bake is jut so wrong. And to not make myself guilty upon requesting too much, I did bake. Boo yah. And I did a lot of cooking too. I should lose some kilos but well, I couldn't because my cooking and I, we had mutual feeling. We adore each other so much that we had our moments together. See? We're connected! For your information, I am having the urge to bake another pavlova, but this time I want it to be the tiny version of it, the mini one, mini pavlova. And it shall be the original flavour, no more chocolate flavour, yes, I should refrain if I still need my teeth, that is. The best thing about baking YOURSELF is that, you can limit the sugar quantities and the other things. I often reduce a large proportion of sugars in my baking. Less sugar, less guilty, is my motto. Coincidentally, during my drooling moment of searching recipes online, I did find few recipes that caught me in a state of shock and leave me confused! I don't know which one to bake just yet. Peanut butter oreo tart, mini pavlova, chocolate cake with chocolate ganache, green tea panna cotta with chocolate ganache, toffee dates cake or maybe chocolate larva cake? See? They are all so yum and pretty easy to make. Argh. The dilemma, it makes me feel obnoxious! The other problem is that, I don't have enough tummy to cater my cooking. I wouldn't let myself finish everything. My friends are on their diet plans. That leaves me with the second thinking whether or not to bake because I wouldn't waste any of my cakes too, would I? 

Hang on

For the record, the weather now is very comforting to let you sleep silently and deeply that you forget to do your laundry or to clean your kitchen. It's raining every 30 minutes or so and the coldness is already nearing my bones to actually freeze them. I cannot imagine the intense temptation to be under my comfy blanket, in a dark room, closing my eyes while hugging a big soft pillow of mine. Aaahhh.

Either Facebook or Instagram or blogger, my sister keeps me updated with my nephews growth monitorings. Danial can really talk now. And you know what he does best, he talks sarcasm. He's still a small baby so his sarcastic words aren't irritating and they may sometimes actually burst you into full blown laughters. Haikal on the other hand, is kinda following his brother's footsteps. He sits like the way his brother does, he plays ipad games like the way his brother does, he claps hands and sings like his brother does. To make long story short, he is the xerox of his brother. I, matter of fact, miss them a lot. They must be happier if mi acah is around, I suppose. Ok. Get a grip now.

I don't feel like studying for this one day holiday, and I had let my weekend passed breezily with activities I love which are cooking and baking, but never home cleaning and doing chores. Thence the messy room and the tensed head.

Update : sometimes i figure, people use social media to prove to the world that they are so right and the others are just so wrong. Oops. And i highly think that they deserve a virtual slap, real hard. Oops. Hush now, im gonna sleep. 

Roomy weekend

If i have enough money in my bank account, I would happily jump out of bed and book my ticket home online right now. Sadly, I don't have enough money, not even enough to get myself Aldo boots. So I suppose I need to figure out other plans to make me oocupied for this October holiday.

Oh by the way, Facebook, or even Instagram for that matter, is already rife with the 'hash tag swag', and as nerdy as it may sound, I actually googled it. So it means 'secretly we are gay?' I really cannot decipher it neatly. Pfft. Really? Or is there any actual proper meaning of that word, huh? 

When the hormone talks

To be honest, i dont understand why people say sorry when they dont actually mean it. I mean, seriously people in this universe. Wake up. You have to mean it when you ask for apology from someone. U cant just bluntly say sorry and then make this weird insincere face, can you? Perhaps you don't understand that if you cannot ask for apology-probably because of your thick unabolished ego that refrain you from saying sorry and actually mean it-then you should just go far far away in the land full with yourself and yourself only, you hear me? Because, well my dear friends, haven't u heard those talkings saying "forgive someone and ask for forgiveness from someone before you sleep because you'll never know maybe you won't have the chance to wake up again the next day"? I am pretty much very serious now, more than ever. Because I got myself all fed up with few populations, which is not good for my health and I if I mention what type of populations they are in. Easy to say, I got fed up sometimes and I really got my head tangled with all this mess. 

Seriously though, if you say sorry, mean it. And if people ask for forgiveness, forgive them. Who are you again to not forgive people? *cough*  and, please for once, be mature. You aren't in the age group where you have to start weaning in order for you to get enough nutrition. You are a grown up. You can differentiate between a poop and a chocolate sauce, right? Heh.

Sorry. And I really mean it.

Hello, people

Phew,it's been a longggg while since my last post. I wasn't that busy, mind you. I did visit my blog sometimes, whenever I felt like it. Perhaps I did write two or three lines in the post box but then I reverted everything back into draft after realising how ridiculous my posts were and they're all too nonsensical to be read. I guess those haters of mine must've been pretty intrigued and irritated, eh? Ya loh, I didn't give them any stories for them to story back to others.  *i stopped writing for a while because I am searching a way to make a new paragraph and I couldn't find it! I am not writing using the usual instrument, hence the noobness.* let's just ignore the schematic writing and just go with my flow.  So okay. These past few days, I have been putting myself in miseries,  where all I could think about were the smell of my home, the laugh of my mom, the jokes of my dad, the crazy annoying siblings of mine, and lets be frank, it's going to be a long dreaded post if I am going to list out all the 

'Thes' here. It's Raya and I am moody. Oh well, u don't have to be a woman and has PMS for you to be moody during Raya month while stuck in a land where all you could do is live alone with the world full of yourself. I mean, come on. Even if you are a man with bulky muscles, you still want to be with your family during Raya. Am I right or am I right? So hush if you are being judgey and say I sound pathetic. Oh, speaking of being pathetic, I did act well in that department since on the exact first day of Raya in Malaysia (India was one day late), I kept updating my Facebook newsfeed and keeping myself on track with those beloved people I have in Malaysia, celebrating their first day of Raya with smiles, laughter, happiness and everything of the sort. I was still having classes that time and I still took the risk of getting kicked out from class if they caught me red handed using phone in class. Luckily, I wasn't being sent out from class even when I updated my Facebook and Instagram newsfeed every five seconds or so. 

*i ACCIDENTALLY tapped on the return button and it popped out the blinking line right on the new paragraph line.wihuuu.* 

So there you go, a new paragraph before I sign myself out. 

Sorry to break it up to you, people who stay in Mysore, Malaysians especially if in any case you read my blog or even if u accidentally found my blog, I highly advise you people to not taking food from empire restaurant regularly. I don't want to be mean here and ruin some other people's business but this is serious! Plus, I said in a good way, may I be excused. I didn't say you guys should just stop eating there because then I might be sued, but this is kinda important and it could really save lives if that restaurant do nothing to the people and the property's hygienes. You guys should refrain from eating there until they figure out their messes and act upon my comments, because when we ate there for dinner, they served us chicken kebab which looked nice but when I picked one piece of chicken out, the chicken still bled proving that they hadn't cooked them well enough and you don't need to be a pro to tell whether a chicken is cooked well or not, right? As long as it still bleeds, it means it needs to be cooked for some time more. It spoiled our appetite just like that and let me tell you this, I was friggin hungry that time and I was super mad. Not only that, I saw a rat passing fast under our table, which freaked me out! And you know what they people did to react? they laughed at me because I was too freaked out that I might had burst into tears. They should just whack that rat or at least say sorry to me!! Instead, they laughed and gave me this face of 'oh come on, it's just a rat and there's no need to create a drama here'. See? That's what made me sad and gloomy up till now. Heh. 

out ya go

we will move out soon enough, as soon as this Saturday. my mom was mad actually for making the decision to move out since living here in Sankalp pretty much gave us minimum head frowning and mental stress problems. the efficiency of their services here was my topnotch. but seeing how much i spend my money per month made me turned myself up on giving away the privileged of staying here and hence the moving out decision was made. we will be shifting to a new apartment, which offers a lower cost of living compared to Sankalp, but slight issues were of course there. but either you deal with it or you have to survive bankruptcy every  three months or so. your choice, woman.

the big problem here is, i have loads and loads of stuffs to pack, and i don't know how big of a lorry can fit my stuffs, so i just have to wait and see about that later. in the meantime, i need strength and muscles to sort and pack my things to be fitted snugly in the boxes! and truth to tell, i have done pretty much only 10%, which is, not as much as what my friends and i expected since we have to get our asses out this Saturday.

read as you please

caution : this is gonna be a long one, so you better ciao before you ended up wasting your time reading my rants. also, this post maybe intended to few complicated human beings out there randomly and sincerely speaking, but, don't take this seriously as I am that kinda person who lets emotion speaks louder than rationalism.

this is me putting myself at a stake where I will probably end up with people bad mouthing me and give me this serious cynical look and whatnot, but what the hey, I have a heart too, just like you and all animals in this entire planet have. with this, i begin another one of my ramblings.

I have been observing for quite some time now. and i came out with few things scribbling inside my head and make me all nauseous. I am going to write everything i feel now, seeing the fact that my blog isn't as popular as the other fancy educational blogs, also this is my and mine only blog, so i opted to write here rather.

first of all, I don't quite understand why some people tend to not give chance when ; 1. of all people, why they think they are that good that they can't forgive others? 2. do they really have the might to give or to take away chances, to begin with. 3. they know that if they let chances slip away, they may not be able to revert them back and probably it's too late and they regret that they have caused the opportunity to just fade away. speaking of chances, do you ever feel like you miss someone? be it your mom, dad, sister, brother, friend, enemy? ha, enemy. do you ever feel like there's a part of you, deep down, and you know it, that you kinda have this one feeling, the feeling like you wanna omit but you can't actually ignore it and shovel it back inside and conceal it with another fake lies of yours? probably, you must have said this 'oh, i miss him/her' and that him/her is actually your ex-enemy, i say ex because maybe and just maybe, you don't content that much hatred in you now after you let it go so that you can obtain your freedom from disguise. seriously, have you ever felt that? or maybe your enemy was your best friend. or maybe your enemy was your little helper when you were kid. or maybe, OK, i am done with all the maybes. the point is, have you ever felt that kinda feeling? I have been wondering myself, could a normal, regular person abhors someone that much when he was actually the one who was close to him? could a typical human with two feet loathes someone who was once nice to him, giving him shoulders to cry to, listen to all the nagging and the blabbing and the rambling and any of the sort? could anyone do that? I don't know, you tell me. if you want to suck the truth out of me, let me tell you, I myself sometime miss my enemy, I do forgive my enemy though it hurts inside, but i do forgive, and I did brush off the intense hatred and annoyance. because, I am that typical, regular, normal person who commits mistake every time, who doesn't have that much might or power to grab away, or even give chances to others since they aren't actually mine to start with, who doesn't keep on isolating others when they are pretty weary from their big own problems. I may be a mindless hateful person sometimes, but in my defense, everyone makes mistakes too, you know. so why us, of all people should punish others' crimes and act all cool and macho about it? my advices, stop hating people too much it makes you haemorrhaged. don't stop trying on hoping others to change to good ways. don't let your friends adrift. never give up. stop judging. I had read this somewhere; don't judge persons because you never know what obstacles they are in. and everyone is rife with the motivational quote, and reposting it in every website they have. so i guess, this is the time to practice what you preach, honey. if you say don't judge, then don't judge. if you say love your friends unconditionally, then love them unconditionally. if you say you must forgive, then you must forgive. you see, maybe this is the time where you see your friend adrift, getting him or herself in that forlornness, making him or herself isolated with no one by him or her side. maybe this is the time where you hate your friend because he or she keeps commit and recommit false acts, but believe me, you will never know that probably you will gonna be in your friend's shoes sooner or later since you can't predict the future right? you get my point don't you? don't ever feel like you have fed up and this is the time that you must let your friend be gone because you have fed up and today is the day. WRONG. you have teeth don't you? do you hate your teeth so much since they often bite your tongue or your oral mucosa accidentally when you're chewing? do you fed up with your teeth since they keep hurting you and you fed up so you give yourself a good punch on the mouth your teeth fall apart? nah. you don't. why because, you really don't have the might to take away chances and you obviously have no right to stop forgiving others. you have no courage to hate people so much you could kill yourself. 


secondly, I am being such a wuss I let myself cry every morning because I miss home that much. crying occasionally is good, but every day is just sickening. I should toughen myself a little bit. if my eyes can talk, I bet they will bark at me and run away from me because they are tired exercising by giving me tears. don't laugh, it's not funny.

we made curry puffs today since we don't have the holidays to celebrate Raya in our own country, so we sought for the other alternative to satisfy our cringe. plus, I have been wanting to make them for so long and so I apt to make my dream came through today. Alhamdulillah they tasted so good we licked our fingers. boo yah KFC. our curry puffs were so much tastier and crunchier we licked more fingers than your people did in the television! the great other thing to brag is that, we're all fasting so we had no one to taste our foods, and miraculously, all of them were nice, Alhamdulillah.


my fingers are tired from all this tapping. so, bye for now.


I told you this is going to be this long!

plans to be fulfilled.

Alhamdulillah, now that i have gotten my money, I am going to be a good person with exquisite money management capability. so, here's my plan for these three upcoming months. 
1. I am gonna limit my expenditure
2. no more crazy shopping sprees! 50% discounts-NO. 70% discounts-YES. what? how can one declines 70%? it's rare and unbelievable! what store is going to give us that? call it delusion, but I have my right to have my own plans. who are you again to bomb me critics?
3. less expenses on clothes and shoes! in case I haven't noticed, I have gotten myself plenty of those that some of them are dusty and unused!  
4. no more 'eye lubricating' by checking up things on online stores! you see, online shopping can ruin you, like, really ruin you! to give you examples are going to give me trouble, but i bite with this one example; you have to just commit and hope that your chosen size is correct, and when you receive the thing you ordered, it might not fit you well, so you go on buying other things because you are too mad that the one you bought doesn't fit you. see? BUT, books are exception! or maybe some other useful and educating things.
5.  I am going to limit my outflow of money on food, cause I can really save a lot by buying cheaper nice food with enough quantity to keep me boosted. plus, if I pity myself and get a knock on my head to realize that I have gained quite an amount of weight, then i could really make this plan to work out since I can save a little and I can also cut down my fat intake. that's what we call 'buy one shirt get one free'.

that's about it I guess. lets hope my plans work!

other than that, Alhamdulillah I am also grateful that my Forensic theory was done and I just hope that this time I'll pass. I will be having practical next week so I guess I should keep on track with my time management as well since I am pathetically bad in any kind of management. heh.

my new awesome gedik raincoat.

ramble.

I am all pumped up today! why, because I am hoping that JPA will hand in our money today, as soon as possible, thank you! I have been so bankrupt that I literally checked my jeans pockets and all my bags pocket for money if there's any. yes. see how pathetic I am? it's not like i wasted all the cash by shopping sprees. I used it to pay deposit for our new apartment, mind you. and, because I am so not the type of person who can handle money that well, thence the bankcruptcy. the same problem, every time. sigh.

we probably are going to move out by the end of next week, that means I have a lot to do, say like packing things, clean my room, donate few of my clothes or shoes since my new cupboard won't be that big and my shoes and clothes are pretty much loaded, and few others more. the problem is, my room is a complete pandemonium! that makes me very much concern and worry for I might not be able to clean my room before the time to move out.

rindu ayah

this is the time of the year where I start to play Raya songs, where I start to miss my kampung, where I wonder how amazing this Raya gonna be if I am around. this is the moment where i start to drool over cheese cakes, be it Secret Recipe or any RM10 cheese cake available in Jusco, as long as it is cheese cake, I am happy enough. this is the moment where I start salivating when I let the thought of how awesome and delicious ketupat, rendang, and lemang, linger around my brain. and of all nights, i choose this night voluntarily, as exam is nearing- as in this Tuesday- to be the 'the time of the year'.

I am missing everyone back at home today. OK, I know i have been missing them like everyday, but i feel like today is a special day because out of all people in my home, I am missing my dad the most. this afternoon during my ride to house from my college library, I saw this one uncle wearing a songkok with white jubah, holding a book which seemed to me like an Islamic article on one hand. he's a long beard, which is white in color, full white- aging process of course. seeing him made me think of my dad, whom i love dearly, who is a man of honor. I vividly remember how he rode his bike every morning to surau, how he be the imam of the home, how he wore his jubah to pray, how he woke us up every morning for prayer, the hows keep continuing that if I write everything down, I might screw my plan to staying up for studying and not for blogging, duh. he still rides every morning to surau, he still is the imam of the house, he still wears his jubah, he still wakes us up every morning. he never fails to act like a dad. he never forget his obligations for us, children. he has never ever make us not love him. I miss hearing my father recites Quran, I miss hearing my father azan. I miss my father, that is all.

oh my minions

this is exactly how i feel right now ;

 I feel like shooting everything in my room right now with a riffle because that's how mad I am.

you know what they say, if you have fallen into a trap, figure out how to get out and not just stand there, crying, saying 'what can i do, what can i do'. 


I think i probably need to go take a new fresh breeze of air to just let me chill out a little bit. I feel so tensed my stomach bloats.

you think I have a problem? say what, you're right.

post Despicable Me 2 syndrome

everyone is in love with Despicable Me 2, eh?
I know I am. I seriously am deeply in love with those cute stumpy minions who have this voice which makes me laugh my intestines out. they are too adorable I tell you. they have this laugh too, which makes you laugh automatically in respond to it. I cannot wait to download their movie clips and they singing songs into my mobile phone and show them to my nephews. they must be amazed and they will absolutely fall in love with them drastically too, like i did the first time i watched the first story of Despicable Me. I bet Danial will copy every action those minions do and he will definitely sing the songs too, which makes me super duper excited and wanting to go home even more fast fast.

it's no good to tell you things without proving them huh?
OK, let me stir the pot for you and give you this and this annddd oh my minions this !!!! these will absolutely make your day! underwearrrrrr~ underwearrrr~ 

I think i have fallen in love deeply that I wanted to make their banana song as my ringtone! yeah, tell me about it. call it 'minions shock' or whatever, but I am feeling like Agnes like that. and hey, Agnes is cute too, so if i feel like I am no less than Agnes, that means... ? 

my unicorn!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! - Agnes.

it's so fluffy I'm gonna dieeeeeeeeeeeeee!! - Agnes. 
 

selamat berpuasa

this won't be a long dreaded one, i hope.

sorry for the late wish, but it's never too late to wish someone this;  HAPPY RAMADHAN FOLKS!

embrace this month with an open heart because this is truly the bestest month. so, get on board!

good luck. doakan saya.

i know, i know, this season is all about exams. here exams, there exams, everyday exams.
everyone looks so tensed up and the opposite of looking all dashing and dope-fine deamenour. of course, when exams are approaching, grabbing you by the arms and dare you to face them, you will go all clumsy and confused, and probably scared that eventually you will go all blank up. it's like all you have read before suddenly has gone to no where, to a place where you can't reach, hidden quietly deep down in your brain, cannot be shoveled back up onto your memory.
i know, for a matter of fact that all you have to do when exams are very near, say, within a week, you just need to cram everything in and soak in. it's like just pour everything to your brain, let your brain got knowledge-clogged, doesn't matter how much your brain can absorb, just get it clogged. 

despite of all the horror and the shiver, Allah says to you; 

2:32

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Sahih International

They said, "Exalted are You; we have no knowledge except what You have taught us. Indeed, it is You who is the Knowing, the Wise." (2:32)

see? He is The Knowing, The Wise. so, pray to Him. ask from Him anything you want. because He will definitely listen. 

the idea is that, if you got stuck during the examination time, just relax and recite this ayat. Allah will help you, insyaAllah. 

and lets say, you work hard, very hard, conflicting with yourself to stay up and to only sleep for only few hours, carrying and memorizing notes everywhere, to isolate yourself from others so as to preserve the time to study, etc. etc. still, you feel all blocked up. still, you feel like you cannot answer the questions right in front of you. still you feel like you haven't finish most part of your text books. still, you feel like you're the only one in your batch mates that will definitely score the worst. well, guess what? Allah consoles you and says,

Sahih International

O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient. (2:153)

did you notice? Allah loves you. He coaxes you to be patient for whatever happens has its own pros and cons, and He knows what you don't. He asks you to be patient as with patience comes ease, comes tranquility, comes harmony. so, whatever happens in the forthcoming exams, just put your whole faith in Allah.


suddenly it occurs to you right after your exams that you haven't got the chance to answer most of the questions because you haven't prepared well and you fail. the worst case scenario, you fail your exams. you feel all sad and you mourn, grief, cry your eyes out the whole day and night. what's the point? Allah says to you ;

2:216

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Sahih International

Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. (2:216)

see how sweet Allah is? maybe it's the best for you. maybe you need to learn more because passing papers are just passing, maybe you haven't gained much knowledge from what you've learnt previously so Allah gives you more time, more chance to learn and learn and learn. so don't be disappointed my dear. 


remember when Allah says this?

94:6

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Sahih International

Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. (94:6)

indeed, with hardship comes ease.



so, if you feel all fed up and stressed up, or you feel like your head has severe migrain and about to explode, just breath properly and calm yourself down. implant faith, restore trust and pray and pray and pray. 

you may need to struggle now and never give up, coz, 'Bila kamu tak tahan lelahnya belajar, maka kamu akan menanggung peritnya kebodohan'- Imam Syafie


hang in there friends. you can do it. i can do it. we can do it.


May Allah ease us all. ameen.