You know that feeling that make your whole day miserable is restraining you from whatever you should do and it sucks. One, I don't know myself anymore. I don't think I understand myself any longer. I think that's the biggest crime I'm doing right now, growing another person in the same body, or whatever you want to call it. I don't think my decision is right. I am all confused and miserable! Just tell me how. How am I supposed to forgive someone who just smoked when I hate smoking! I hate the active and having to be the passive.  I hate cigarettes and whatever companies making them. I hate smokers and the smell of smoke. I hate to see people smoke and I definitely hate if the people I actually care about smoke! Omg I feel like banging my head on the wall, hard. You say you are so mad that you have to smoke because I was throwing tantrum. That's your excuse? That?! Excuse me while I say this, even if nobody cares about you that doesn't me you have to charcoal-ed your lungs and blackens you gums and making your pe*** infertile!! Argh I'm hating myself right now for being so whiny and couldn't set my mind straight.!!!!! 

Ah the horror

It's horribly difficult to have like only Rs 1000+ in your account with all these needs you carry in your chest. I mean, you can't possibly deny everything you want because boy you can be so persuasive you'd wriggle around the counter if you don't get what you want, but you still can't have what you want because in order for you to survive this month, you need to eat, which you can't do if you have no money left in your account. Ah, the horror!!!!

My birthday is on 9th August!

I don't do branded stuff (sue me for my white lie) but when people give it to me, I take it with open hands. 

Thank you for my prebirthday gift! If I say I don't like it, it means you can smack me hard because how can I not love this?!

Anyhow, final year is terrible. I can impossibly imagine how am I gonna survive this year. It's impossible! Well, I might go and polish my self confidence now. Taa.

Losing sleep.

I have to admit, having terrible headache which doesn't subside even after taking rest (more like having deep sleep, excuse me) does suck. Well, suck it up.

Today is the second day of Eid here in India. I miss my Gomel can't wait for October to come over coz I'm leaving for Malaysia! Yihaaa! 

The beautiful Yot. Mind my awkward ugly smile, will ya?

of MH17.

So, last night while I was scrolling through my Facebook news feeds, I saw one guy posted something about another Malaysian airplane crashed somewhere near Ukraine. I was doubting myself whether to believe or not, coz ya' know, Facebook stuff can be overly dramatic, some creation of stories from some irresponsible people, and some irrational publicity ones long for. So right at that time, I promised myself to just wait in front of my rented desktop and keep on refreshing my news feed, so that I'll have a clear-cut news about the Malaysian aircraft. A few minutes after that, the traffic begun when they all posted the same thing, and this time, it was real. the plane really got shot down by some ground missile, presumably from the Russian military, and the reason is still left unknown. Some say the missile was supposed to be aimed for one president of a part of the country, some say it was to distract the populations from giving 110% concentration and empathy towards Gaza, which sucks, coz what Israel do to them, is evil. more than evil. Evil is an understatement. They kill people, not only that, they kill innocent children, who aren't supposed to know anything about missiles, let alone being shot right at the heads. Israel don't give a damn about anything, they don't even have hearts. when Gaza attack them back, they make it seems like Gaza started the whole thing first. I don't understand why they are so cruel. Even models who are competing for Miss World would want 'world peace', why don't they? They should just rot. Gaza, we are with you. Our prayers are with you, brothers and sisters. May Allah protect you. May you live in Jannah happily for being shahid.

I was sad, shocked, deprived, depressed, upon seeing the news about the Malaysian airplanes. I was struck by the thought of having no chance of saying good bye. They say, good byes are hard, good byes suck. But what if, they are no good byes? They just vaporize into thin air. They just vanish along the waves into the sea. Does that more terrible than saying good byes? Of course. There's no doubt about it. Imagine yourself sleeping in the plane, your heart thumping for the excitement of going back home, but instead of reaching to your destination, you'll never able to step on this world ever again, you will no longer breath the polluted air in this world, you will no longer need to eat whatsoever. I bet, the loved ones who suffer must be very, very downright gloomy and sad. If we, by reading the news, seeing the posted photos of the pieces of the plane, feel sad, imagine being the one who is waiting for his loved one to arrive, imagine being the one who has prepared food for the person on the plane to come and eat because it's his favorite food.

My condolence to people who their loved ones have lost their lives in the shot down. Let the world be a better place.

May Allah protect us all.

Oh Danial Hamzah

While I was talking to my mother on the line this evening, suddenly my mom's phone got snatched away and someone else was talking, 

'micah, abang nak mainan banyak2 boleh?' 

and I was like, 'OK. abg nak mainan apa? nnt micah belikan.'

'abg nak train.'

'ok syg. nnt micah beli ok'

'abg nk ultraman.'

'abg nak ultraman big ke small?'

'abg nak ultraman small, banyak-banyak'

in my mind, i was like, 'woa! this kid is good!! his negotiating is really, really good!'

I miss you, Danial.

he can talk fluently now, so what else I'd missed?

a lot of medicines going on right now

true that.

I am one lady who will freak out when people suggest the usage of so many books. So instead of sit and choose which book will nurture love for me, I go on frenzy and buy all the books they bought. ALL. Well, in my defense, shopping books is the kinda shopping your mom would not object, no? Unless you buy some nonsense 'Fifty Shades of Grey' (which I bought, darn), then your purchase is worth the vegetarian-mode-with-all-the-bankruptcy-and-what-not.

So, like I said a long time ago, I tend to post things when I'm under pressure, especially when my exam is freakin' tomorrow, you know what I mean? Needless to say, I have exam tomorrow, and I hope things will go on smoothly tomorrow, ameen.

Nighty, kentucky.

Rindu Sahur bersama mereka

I forgot to update my last post. I need to make corrections but I'll do it here. Actually, we started fasting on Monday, not Sunday like I mentioned before, because India will be one day late than Malaysia. Yes. Raya pon sama lah, one day late. My friend said, it felt awkward to have one day late to start fasting rather than one day late to celebrate Raya. Part of me agreed. 

Anyhow, this is the third day of Ramadhan and to be honest, I was feeling weak these past three days during my fasting hours. Probably because of my lack of Sahur meal? Or maybe because I was being psychotic? Whatever it was, I don't like it. Today I slept for 4 hours after college and boy was I sad.

Oh, I have booked my ticket to Malaysia this October and I cannot wait! Patience is not my strong suit, my friends can testify to that. I miss home terribly. Every Sahur, I'll reminisce about us getting our Sahur together as family. My mom will definitely feed me, I'm lazy like that. My father will eat late, just few minutes before azan, my brother don't usually eat, sometimes he eats dates and drinks waterm sometimes he just continues sleeping. My sisters will wake up with me, coz us girls cannot deal one day without food in our systems. Mom will cook heavy Sahur, I don't know how she can manage doing chores, cook for Sahur, ready for work, help others get ready for work, all at the same time. Supermom doesn't do justice. But honestly, I'll do just fine if my mom only cook fried eggs with soy sauce, coz I love that simple dish. Imagine scooping the soy sauce to your plate to soak all your rice with the soy sauce, and have small pinch of eggs with every bite. Even talking about it makes me drool. But my mom, being a good cook herself, sometimes cook rather heavy dish like chilly chickens or steamed fish or something like that. I know I don't hide it well, I do miss my family too much the feeling is unbearable.

Maghrib cepat datang ok?

Masa untuk puase!!!

Ramadhan is coming this Sunday!!!!! I hope this Ramadhan will be much better than last year, insyaAllah. So, are you guys prepared? I know Loyal World supermarket has! They sell lots of dates of variety of choices there! My dad will go banana when there is any sale for dates, really.

Anyhoo, I've been doing ok lately, thanks. This Monday will be the last day of our eighth term so yes, wear stepping into ninth term, needless to say and boy I'm shivering. I don't know what to expect or how to interpret my feeling just yet coz whooshing into ninth term isn't exactly a fun, fancy thing to do. Yes I'm happy. Yes I'm afraid too coz it means I'm wayyyy behind and there's a lot of thing in front. I guess you know how I feel now. It's complicated, easy to say.

Before I get back to my homework ( yeah. We still have that, mind you), I would like to quote 9gag. Face your problem, don't Facebook it. That's that.

Kao niew mamuang

I don't even know whether my spelling is correct or not, but hey, you don't want to be the spelling inspector now, do you?

So basically, Kao niew mamuang is a Thailand sweet dish, which is made with glutinous or sticky rice, coconut milk and mangoes. 

Omputih panggil mango sticky rice.

Org Melayu panggil pulut mangga.

Org India panggil, entah lah. I have to ask them later. Noted.

I googled a lot of recipes and I also you-tubed some. They say one is never enough, right? I had to search for so many just to find the perfect one, or so I thought. Oh wait, more so the simplest one coz hey, I am not going to open a restaurant in the near future, so why bother with some tricky, fussy, finicky, complicated steps, am I right? If you are a full time student like I am, I think this recipe might help. 

The ingredients are basically the same in all recipes I googled. 

I used;

2 cups glutinous rice 

1 tin of lite coconut milk ( lite, just to make everyone agrees)

1 teaspoon corn flour

Small amount of sugar ( according to your taste buds)

Wee bit of salt

Mangoes 

Watermelon seeds (I know you'll go WHAAATTTTT, but hey, boleh Makan lahhh!!)

1. Wash the glutinous rice properly till the rice water appears clear. Then you need to soak the rice for at least..... Well, for as long as you want. Haha. They say for about 30 minutes, some say overnight. Being the terrible impatient person like I am, I soaked for about 20 minutes, just because I went for my Asar prayer and it took 20 minutes. So, if you can wait, then wait. If you don't, then don't. Easy. 

2. Steam the rice till halfway cooked, then add 1/2 cup coconut milk with some salt. Stir. Be careful not to burn yourself (coz steam is very very hot) and not to add too much salt (coz hypertension is not cool). You know the rice is cooked when it appears to be translucent and tender. 

3. With the remaining coconut milk, warm it in the saucepan with some sugar. Keep on stirring. When it comes to a simmer, add the corn flour diluted with a small amount of water. You don't want to add the corn flour directly to the simmering coconut milk coz it can become clumpy and that doesn't look pretty. So just dilute it with water, then pour into your coconut milk. Keep on stirring. Extra tip, if you don't have corn flour with you, then don't panic or rush to the grocery shop. Just substitute with 2 spoons of all purpose flour, it will do just fine.

4. For extra kick, roast some seeds of your choice. My local supermarket was out of stock of sunflower seeds, so that's the reason why I used watermelon seeds instead of sunflower seeds. You can totally omit this, but believe me, crunchy element brings this dish to another level. 

5. Cut your mangoes and put all the things together in a plate. Done!

Ok, jemput Makan.

Day 1; I don't think my challenge is really up-to-date.

I wrote this on Father's Day.. A short novel just to spend some time not wasted by watching Sofia Vergara.

"Honey!!! Come for dinner! I have prepared your favourites and they're awesome!! Can you smell them from your room? Wahh!!" 

I hated it! Gah! Everytime my dad calls me, to dinner, to school, to go somewhere, he always shouts like I am the deaf one. I am not deaf! And stop calling me honey! He isn't as romantic as he sounds! Why does he always trying so hard to be sweet and all? I can't understand and I never will. Everything about my dad aches me. If it's not because of him, my mom will still be here, with me, we'll go shopping like we used to, we'll do stuff like I can never imagine myself doing it with my dad, like talk about boyfriends, or play make up. I hate him. I just. Hate. Him.

It's not fair. Since my mom left, I have to stay with him, not that I have any other choice, but if and only if I have a choice, staying with my dad will be the last one, that's for sure. I used to love my dad. When I was a child, I always put him first before everything. I looked up to him. I never thought of getting married with someone who doesn't resemble even one molecule of resemblance from my father. He, of course, spoilt me with everything in his will. I remembered when he had to storm the thunder and the heavy rain just to get me an ice cream because I was crying crazy when my mom scolded me. The aftermath, his temperature shot up way too high he got admitted and I wouldn't even stay with him in the ward because wards were creepy, but he, being whoever he was, never asked for me to stay with him, he promised me he will buy me lots of chocolates when he recovers and that he smiled when I waved my hands bye-bye and let him stay overnight in the creepy ward full with people coughing yellow expectorant and severe excoriating erythematous rashes which made me wanna throw up. When I was 7, I had a stupid crush over one stupid boy, and believe it or not, that stupid boy literally crushed my heart. I cried too much although I knew I was only 7 but being as 7 year old as I was, I thought of that love as a huge thing worth of writing in my stupid diary and my stupid diary was big of a deal back then. I went crazy that day and made the house like a total hell with my toys, my stuffs and everything else. My mom got so mad when she came from work and she was going to run amok on me but dad, being the all-time-guardian, scolded my mom instead and cleaned all my mess and bought me ice cream, again. Ice cream was the thing I loved so much back then. Without ice cream, I was nothing. Like whole of dad's life was devoted to me, and my whole life was devoted to ice cream. Easy to say, I was his life, and I still am. I can go on a limb and say, he will die for me too. But I won't allow it. Coz I hate him now. 

My dad always say I am his little angel, and that makes my head throbs and I swear I will saliva vomit if he continues to be all cheesy and mushy. "Honey!!!! Do you want vanilla or chocolate ice cream??!!" 

"I don't want ice cream!!!!! I hate ice cream!!! (And I hate you!!!!- but that just got trapped in my mind, but boy how I wish I had all the guts to say that to him right on his face)", I shout back from my room with closed dorm upstairs. I don't understand why he won't give it a rest, although I have showed him all the diagnostic signs of my abhorrent, my disguise of him. I never eat with him anymore, let alone acknowledging whether he has eaten or not. What I know is that I will go downstairs when I'm hungry and I will have a plateful of good food (OK. He is a good cook, I have to grant him that. Furthermore, I have never seen my mother in the kitchen since the day I was born from my mother's big pouch inside her stomach) and get myself into the room again. I wouldn't care to watch TV with him coz I have my own TV in my room (I requested for my own since the day my mother left, and he granted me that wish. Practically, it's his fault I won't watch TV with him together like we used to, right?).  I never greet him from work anymore. I never care to do house chores. I never listen to his nagging. I never even give him a glance or a smile. Like I said, I hate him.

I always know I ain't really well like the other kids in my school. I never played tag, never climbed trees, never had a marathon. I don't know why but all I know, I will never feel really active to even stand upright for more than 45 minutes, and that's the reason why I hibernate myself in my house, my room to be exact, and not going on window shopping with my teenage friends. I spend most of my time reading teenybopper novels and cry to the sick love romance. Well, the point is, if I am well like my friends, I wouldn't have to stay hours and hours together with my sick-pathetic-annoying dad and listen to him talk from downstairs or at the front of my room door coz I won't open the door to let him inside and tell me stories I won't want to listen. You know, even his voice makes me itchy now. I just want him to shut up. I hate him.

My mother left me when I was 13 ( I abstain myself from keeping track with my age, my birthdays, all big things occurring in my life since my mom left me), and the reason is still unknown to me. I couldn't fathom the sudden absentees of my mother the next day I woke up early in the morning, nor do I have the gut to ask my dad what actually happened the night before coz I heard them screaming, yelling, no-no-ing, and then I heard the front door slammed shut. I continued sleeping coz I thought they were having the regular fights they always had and that my father was going to buy me ice cream ( my dad kept on buying me ice cream even after I've attained my puberty and gained secondary sexual characters. He didn't just buy it for me when I was being spoilt brat or in a shitty conditions, he bought ice cream for me even when he's mad, and yep, saying it out loud makes me think he's really mad, crazy, insane). All I know is that the next morning, my mother didn't shout 'bye' like she used to and she never came home after 12 am, like she did everyday. When I asked dad where's mom, he said, "honey, mom's never coming back, so it's just you and me now, OK. Now, shall we go for an ice cream?". "No. I don't want ice cream. I want mom!!", I yelped. "Oh honey, mom's never coming back and you're too young to understand. Know that you're an angel to me and that I'll never leave you. Come on now honey, let's go for an ice cream. Chocolate ice cream? Yum!". "NOOOOOO!!! I don't want ice cream!! I want mom!!!!", I shouted along the way to my room, and that was the last time I spoke to him and the last relationship I have with ice cream, coz ice cream and I, we're over. And from that time onwards, I hate him.

This morning, I fell down the stairs when I was going to my room and I think I hit my head, hard. All I know is that I am now in the hospital, and I am connected to all these kind of weird machines that go all beep beep, like an about to die person tethered to a device that will go all beep beep when he's no longer breathing, and it makes me feel pathetic. I want to run away but I think my mitochondria just won't cooperate with me coz I feel, really, terribly weak. I feel very sick. Very, very sick. My head is spinning like crazy like I am on a roller coaster that only goes up, never coming down. My body aches like crazy like a machine gun, firing at a constant rate. My dad isn't with me, and I won't bite. It doesn't make any difference anyway. The next minutes, one doctor with his crew of people in white coats (which look to me as if they haven't eaten a single finger licking good food coz they look pretty dull and unattractive!). The doctor tells me that I have end stage renal dyplasia (like I know what that means. Duh) and that I may need a renal transplant. And upon hearing that word, my world goes blank.

When I wake up, I feel my limbs are paralysed and I can barely move. That moment, I don't want anything else than death and death alone. I just wanna be dead. I feel terribly sick. I can't even juggle other words in my dictionary but I am very very sick. The nurse, then hands me this small piece of paper, and I read it. It says, 

Honey,

I know life is hard since your mom left you. I tried so hard to make you happy but I guess your mom didn't just leave the house in one piece, she took away all your happiness and joy too. And that makes me feel terrible. 

Honey, 

You know I love you so much, I hope you know I do. Coz I love you so much even Romeo and Juliet love is not as much as I love you. I love you so much sky isn't a limit. I love you so much no one can stop me from doing anything for you. I love you so much I would do anything for you. And I love you so much I would give up my life on you, or even my kidney for that matter.

Honey, 

You have this disease I don't understand but the doctor said he needed a new kidney for you or else you would die. And believe it or not, my kidney is compatible for you! Looks like my kidney loves you too. And so, I agreed to give you my kidney and believe me, I would even give you my heart if that makes you healthy, and happy.

Honey,

I know you are all grown up now but I still think you're my small girl, not ready to face the war alone, not ready to overcome the world alone. That's why I keep it silence everything about your mom. I guess I was wrong to keep it a secret and that I am going to tell you that your mother is nice person. She really is. Just maybe, she got caught up with the glam, the charm, the money, the wealth of another man that she forgot she has a child. I didn't ask much from her. All I want is that she at least look after you and I wouldn't mine if she doesn't want to give a crap about me. But she said no. She didn't want any of us. That's the reason she left. I'm so sorry. I really am sorry. 

Honey,

You know I love you so much. I want you to stay happy, to stay healthy. Keep my kidney in check ok? Take good care of yourself. You're my pride, my world, my everything. 

Honey,

If I don't come out of the operation room in a piece, please know that I will always love you and I will always be there for you, even I am not exactly there. Please, please, take care of yourself, your health and everything. Please marry a good cook. And please eat ice cream back.

Honey,

You will always be my little angel.

Yours, 

Your dad.

I yell for dad so loud my lungs feel like collapsing and the nurses hold my hands tight, and one of them say, "I'm sorry. Your dad couldn't make it. I'm sorry"

My whole world goes blank. Black. Dark.

I want to die. I hate MYSELF.

Day 2; Hiccups.

How to train your dragon 2 was simply amazing, I tell you that! Boy that guy was so handsome! He's transformed into somewhat very mature (and very handsome) guy of say, 20 year? Having said that, Hiccups reminded me of someone I know, who looks almost similar, except Hiccups is way fairer and less hairy (beardy, not as in chest hairs or something. No) . Oh and I loveeeee the girl's braid! Brilliant! 

Anyhow, I am going to talk about The Fault in Our Stars, but later, probably.

Day 3; flickering.

Hush there pal! I'm very busy getting all soaked up and absorbed with this The Fault in Our Stars it makes me tear!

All I can say for now, I would love to get me some Augustus Waters, not actually and literally, but you know what I mean. 

Day 4; what's is wrong with me?! (Read with Jennifer Lawrence's tone)

I'm pissed off right now. Bad.

1. I don't understand the definitions of words sometimes. Not literally, but as in I don't understand how people misuse words, or use them in incorrect timings. Like, "I can't look at my phone, if I do, I'll lose my family". Define family. Is family something that will leave you if you check your phone once or twice? Ok. I understand if someone scolds you for checking your phones now and then, it's rude. It is the definition of rude. But once or twice, will it lose you family? Seriously, will it? Coz hey, I might be wrong but what I do understand is that family is the one that will stay by you, stay with you, and look up for you. I'm a doll to give you another example like this, " I am not lazy but I don't want to iron my clothes", coz honestly, I say it too many times I can't keep track. Again, define lazy in that scenario. 

2. My neurotic psychotic ups and downs variable emotions are going wayyy more crazier than it was before. I mean, now, I am more of a freak than a weirdo. Not a bimbo, but freak. Narcissistic, sometimes. Mostly, freak. One minute you see me smile ear to ear, the next, you see tear streaming down my cheeks. How you interpret that? Sometimes I feel funny, but there's a chance that I might think that that isn't funny any longer within split second, then I feel mad. See? You cannot get any freakier than that, can you?

3. At this point, I can go on a limb and tell nobody, as in, no human being with an aorta can understand me, let alone cope with me. People don't tolerate me. Wait. Don't is an overstatement. They not not tolerate me, just that I can get on their nerves sometimes and things will get, Hm, how to say it, awkward? Sometimes, I speak things that comes straight through my mouth without allowing the thought or the signal of words transmission circulating in my brain for me to realize that the words I speak sound so wrong and irrelevant. Cancel that sometimes. Replace with most of the times. Meh is the word that is very appropriate now. Meh.

4. I am pissed off because I am pissed off. Please understand. 

Day 5; late.

What's your favourite colour? 

- pink, as if that isn't obvious still.

What's your favourite cartoon?

- there're a lot of them. Powerpuff girls, chibimaruko chan, Pokemon, to name a few.

What's your favourite movie?

- oh my god. I have too many favourites to list down is aching. Easy to say any movies with handsome actors with great haircuts and cute accents and beautiful actresses who have brains.

What's your favourite series?

- I have to go with The Vampire Diaries. But hey, Modern Family makes me laugh and cry too.

What's your favourite song?

-  the song I sing.

What's your favourite food?

- anything as in everything.

What's your favourite princess?

- Cinderella. To tell the truth, I like her shoes more than she herself.

What's your favourite sport?

- if rummaging through the kitchen to find good food is a sport, than yeah. My favourite.

What's your favourite animal?

-anything that neither bite nor scratch.

What's your favourite berries?

- seriously, I only know the existence of only few berries, and they are all my favourites.

What's your favourite book?

- wait I have to think. Ok. All Khaled hosseini's.

What's your favourite shoes?

- Why don't you go find out what's my favourite by seeing my shoe collections?

Day 6; lagi 5 hari ngeh ngeh.

Hello. 

Today is the second day of my medicine posting and boy it's hard. I feel like a kindergartener when I'm in medicine. It's hard for me to cling to it, you know what I mean? I found myself weak in medicine. I mean, my basic knowledge itself is meager. So how am I supposed to wow my way through this one then, huh? I guess I have to try harder. Nothing is easy in this world, right? First, I need to cut down my time spend on watching Sofia vergara's interviews. But I like her. I like her spontaneous answers, her jerky funny actions, and her thick and interesting accent, says myself. Well, Aisyah, no pain no gain.

Other than that, I miss home. This, I know I keep on telling here and there, now and then. Still, I am terrible at hiding my feelings. I am very bad at keeping feelings hidden. If I'm sad, I cry. There's no doubt in that. If I'm angry, I yell. Well, that's that.

By the way, have I mentioned that I don't edit my post the time I write my post? I mean, after I finish writing a post, I won't take time to re-read my whole post to check if there's any spelling mistake or any non-mistakes corrected by Siri which turns to be mistakes. Thankfully, Siri doesn't correct me like the one she did on one of the messages someone posted on Ellen, which was, steam crisped nipples and I highly doubt that the person was even thinking of nipples, let alone noticing to the existence of steam crisped nipples. Anyhow, I don't. I usually just publish my post and 'walk away' until whenever I am free again, usually on the next day, then I will re-read my post and correct whatever I think is wrong.  So yeah, if you find something weird on my post, read again the next day, OK? 

Photo, later. I have homework to do now. 

Day 7; late post.

I know I was supposed to post one day for yesterday but I was too tired! I slept very late, so yeah.

After all, I don't have any interesting story to tell on my account. But I do have interesting photo to share. Let's see.

Yeah. Food photo. The kinda photo that you'll always love to look.

My writing is getting boring each and everyday. T.T

Day 8; cerita keropok

Microwaved keropok ikannggg terengganunggg.. Because, I'm too lazy to deep fry them. That's why.

Tapi percayalah, yg goreng punye jauh lagi sedap dr yg ni punye. 

Day 9; next time, serve better excuses, shall we?

OK I reconsidered and I guess I don't have anything else better to post anyway, so I take it back. I recancel my cancellation. It's on.

Today, I want to pep talk you into 'making excuses'. See. I'm an optimist woman, or so I thought. I am a straightforward person though my fat mouth can hurt sometimes, but hey, I'm straightforward person, haven't I mentioned that already? I am not used to making sweet talks, blanketing the truth, seasoning lies with spices so that the lies will be more tasty, you get me? Cut to the chase, I don't admire excuses. Like, when you don't want to attend some occasions, just say, 'sorry. I don't feel like going'. When people ask why, like they usually do, just tell, 'because I don't feel like it. And I am too sleepy to even stand on my own two feet.' There. That's a valid reason. Not some mess up darn excuses like, 'because I need to send my bags because it's too heavy', or something like 'oops. I suddenly got an acute attack of headache. Acute.'. Meh. You know, everytime a person comes up to me and give that solid excuses, solid, people, I will just nod but in my mind, I have this huge laughter and this bad conception and bad impression. Well, like I said, I can't survive excuses if it gets too much, you know what I mean? Once, twice, ok. Everyone have lists of them. But too lot of them, boy I wanna explode. I just love 'em excuses. *bateyelashes*

Guess what? 

Those are the results of Asida and I after quite a time of spoiling our noses with too much of perfumes. They gave us plenty of trials, plentayyyyy, and we came back from mall with this feeling of having our noses gone. 

No more challenge, me think.

I probably think I would just cancel off this challenge. Yep. I think I'll do that.

The truth is, I don't think anyone, ever, will understand me, ever. I am the very complicated kind of complicated human being. 

Sometimes, the person you care the most is the person that will hurt you. The person who you want to tell everything to is the person who won't even listen to you. The person who you hope would comfort you is the person that's gonna break you. Agreed.

Day 10; my Angelina Jolie has left me.

Yep. Exactly. I'm playing minion game again. 

Other than that, I, oh wait, we were very sad and disappointed because they have stopped showing maleficient in the cinemas and they were out of stock of caramel popcorn. Believe.

This is just outside my house. I like my new purple socks and my new casual shoes a lot. 

Day 11: I'm planning to escape

Right now, I don't know what to say, except, I want to get married fast. Boleh?

Photo, later. Now I'm deprived of idea.

My stomach is just too full from dinner. All I can think is I wanna throw up.

Update: I spent 3 hours managing my ipad. I was trying to find good games for my nephews. I know. I know. I really know. You know what I know. Shut up.

I really want to throw up. The consequence of not chewing your food properly then make a ran right after because you're too afraid it's going to rain. Come on stomach. Work well, pretty please! 

The in between

1. I am extremely homesick. Everything, seriously, almost everything related to my family makes me burst into tears. 

2. Although most of you won't believe me, I am all limpin' serious that I am fat. My weigh is 51 kgs. now believe me? Plus, like Eva longoria said, you don't know what's underneath all this. You don't know what we have to do, how much pressure we need to withstand to suck in when camera shoots. 

So, trust me or not, it's your choice. But I still am sad coz I am fat but I cannot stop eating. Stop. Eating. Not. 

Day 12; I am all ballooned up.

I told you I was going to make Congo bars right? I did. I made them day before yesterday and they taste so good. I still have some left. I refrain myself from finishing them all coz I need something to munch while I watch all Jennifer Lawrence's interviews.

Anyway, today I slept off really deeply in my afternoon class and I felt partly terrible and partly awesome. Terrible, because it's not what a good student would do. Awesome, coz it's hard to maintain a good posture and not being caught red handed at the same time. So, yeah.

Other than that, my day is same old same old. I woke up, went to hospital, attended posting, rushed to bus, ate at canteen, came for afternoon class then came home. Same old, same old. Nothing new. 

My homemade blondies, or brookies, or whatever name you want them to be. They taste delicious nonetheless!

Day 13; mundane.

The one thing that irritates me the most is a tough, brave, reluctant-to-come-out-from-it's-fossa pimple! It irritates a lot it makes me neuropraxic just thinking about it! As we all know, I am that crazy freak who snaps at pimples. Yep. CRAZY. I can't resist myself from pinching the pimples with my own two nails. They say it's not good to use nails to try and sandwich your pimple to make it pops out, coz it can leave you scars and everything. But, like I said, I just couldn't resist. Nuh-uh. So yeah, I spent my half an hour struggling to make my pimples pop out. The result, my pimples stay hidden, oh, not only do they hidden, they deepen into one kinda pouch that I can't reach to squeeze. Also, I have scars on my face. Previously, my face has already so much of scars, pimples, acnes (well, they are the same) and blackheads. Now, more scars are available. 

I'm talking about pimples now???!

LAMe!!!

I like my princess-y cekak.

Oh btw, Makan roti canai cecah sambal dulu sebelum kuah kari dengan cecah kuah kari dulu baru sambal are two different things, OK!

Day 14: I'm going to make some blondies!

I don't know it's the weather or what, but I do know my head is aching terribly. Nausea, checked. Sleepy, checked. Irritated, checked.

Plus, I have finished my one whole family pack of Baskin Robbins, with a little guilty of being more fat than I am know. Ok. Hush. I hate when people are so obsessed of getting lean and slim bodies they wanna look like mummified dry skeletonised humans. If you wanna be healthy, fine. If you wanna be as slim as paper, nah. Oh, if you wanna diet, get a proper diet! You cannot just simply skip meals especially breakfast! So the nerd speaks.

Now I feel like making Congo bars. Ok. I should go to the supermarket opposite my house to buy some groceries. Taa.

Photo, later.

Day 9. Stay.

Madness is a destruction.

You tend to bombard words without knowing the consequences.

You tend to yell without circulating your words in your brain.

You tend to punch someone without any conscience.

You tend to scream without considering anyone else's eardrum.

Madness is a destruction.

Having said that, I think I am the kinda freak who channels all her emotions to being mad and furious just to blanket her sadness of letting go. Yep. I'm exactly that. I tend to channel all my sadnes, gloominess, fear of getting left behind, fear of being independent yada yada by screaming, crying, yelling, snapping at everyone else. I know it's the definition of crazy, but I guess I am not as strong as how I imagine myself am. 

Of course, I know whatever comes next, I have to endure, mould, and withstand all by myself but hey, you'll never know how strong you are until being strong is the only thing left, remember?

It's not like I'm losing someone or something, nope. It's just that I am feeling more alone than ever now. 

Anyhow,

I am going to start wih another challenge which will take two weeks, and just two weeks. Simply because two weeks is the perfect time for a challenge, if you will. I am going to write something about my day for this two weeks and upload photo of what I think best explains my condition at that point of time. Sounds like  I am going to storm inside all the hullabaloo, but this is actually a simple challenge since I am that kinda person who talks a lot too. Well, writes a lot, if you're being pessimist about it.

And today is the last day of my 'room photos' challenge.

'Be safe and sound.'

Toodaloooo.

Day 7 and 8

Day 7.

Excuse me. I had exam this morning, which means I couldn't steal my precious minutes yesterday by posting Day 7 at the exact Day 7, nuh-uh.

Day 8.

Just few seconds after the Day 7 photo. Magic. I'm a mysterious person.

So, my 'room photos' challenge has one more day to go before I start with another new challenge, which probably gonna take two weeks from tomorrow.

Day 6.

I thought I should upload my Day 6 photo early because I will be busy tomorrow, or so I assumed. This ain't cheating yeah? Oh wait. It's already past midnight so it is now another day, so which means this is Day 6. Attaboy!

The cartoon filter I found on camera 360 is pretty amazing. It's like someone paints you but not really coz you're not famous to be noticed by some weirdo with magic hands that can draw you on sketchbook, you know what I mean? So I consider having this cartoon effect on that application is awesome.

Rambles aside, this is the prettiest bouquet I've ever received in my entire life. I was too excited and delighted at the same time I felt like my knee couldn't withstand my own heavy weight and about to lock and fall down. Boy, I was too ambushed by the prettiness of these roses. I completely agree that women should sometimes be acknowledged that they're pretty, that they're beautiful in their own ways, that they shine like polished diamonds, that they sparkle like fireworks and that they are much appreciated. From what I encountered from those previous days, women get jealous pretty often and boy, they're aggressive in that department. Take this as an example, this girl likes that boy really much, but that boy has his own liking, his crush with this other girl he thinks cute though everyone disagrees. This girl, who likes that boy, starts to be very offensive to the other girl, starts to give that other girl this face, which pretty much interpretes her abhorrent. Not just that, this girl also tend to act like quirky little 'oh-it's-not-good-to-curse' girl to that other girl by means of compliment that other girl's friend instead of that other girl, which sucks coz that girl's been trying her best to look beautiful and her friend wears just OK. Ok, let's not crush you brain parenchyma. Let me put you in a simpler term. Suzie, is the girl who has some serious jealousy issue. Let's call the boy as boy, simple. The boy likes this girl, let's name her Rosie. Due to Suzie's wild jealousy, she crushes Rosie's heart by giving all the compliments a girl needs to Rosie's friend, Natasha, when all Natasha wears is just a simple garments, not that fancy, not that wow-sy. Meanwhile, Rosie is wearing a very beautiful gown and Rosie thinks that day is the day where she feels pretty coz usual days, she looks like she just gave birth to a child. See? Even that can crush whatever cells in a girl's heart. I don't know of you understand but what I am trying to say here is that, be nice to people. Compliment them a little. They need to know they're beautiful even when you think they aren't. A compliment can really change one's day, I promise.

So, thank you for making me feel pretty, roses. 

Day 5

I really like my clock. Why? Because it has the loudest 'krinnnnnnnggggggg' I've ever heard. 

Anyway, I have 4 more days left before my challenge ends. 

Day 4.

Hate to be that person who constantly uses the wrong words. In my mind I speak in different tone but unfortunately, people misinterpret me and phonate it into another tone. I feel really meh right now.

Oh btw I woke up very late this morning and I was too astounded till I ran amok at my dining hall. I yelled for everyone's attention instead of running to the toilet and shower because I was utterly late. My heart palpitated like crazy, probably because of the adrenaline rush I got, what with the sudden shock and everything. The whole day, I was in bad shape. Waking up late sucks, you know. 

Anyhow, I have end posting exam this Saturday and it's orthopaedics. It's time to break some bones.

Day 3

I am starting to shake-a-hand with myself. I know this whole challenge thing is weird, and crazy. But hey, I am a witty young lady. 

I am feeling cray cray today. 

Esok tak jadi cuti weyh

Not that I'm included in the cancelled holiday, just that I'm sad coz my mom isn't going to get that holiday tomorrow, coz it gets cancelled, stating the obvious. Well, let's see. I screamed, I shouted, I cried (yes. I cried. Emotional woman, who?) watching the Thomas cup. But, no matter what, I am very proud of you guys. Congratulations. You guys played all out. Thank you.

Day 2.

I wanted to post my 'Day 2' challenge post tonight, but I figured, since I am growing my beard waiting for the police officer to show up at our house to ask for our neighbours' signatures to clarify that we're staying with them, under one apartment. Well, the hours are tedious. 

Anyhoo, this is Day 2; 

I'm never good at book review, since I have meager vocabulary and everything. Not to forget, I am not remotely close to an English major, nor do I talk English well. Having said that, this book should receive some appraisal because it's so beautifully written, interestingly plotted, powerfully ended. You'll never know what to expect. It opens with the saying that this book involves ghost, which means it is a ghost story, but after a while you start doubting the trueness of the presence of a ghost, you start hesitating to proceed reading or not-since you're a scaredy cat, and you cannot wash off the curiousity to flip to the end of the page to confirm whether or not it involves ghost, coz you know you are one of a psychotic freak who won't be able to sleep at night if you read ghost story, even if it's not scary at all, says the friend. But then you cannot refrain yourself from reading since you know deep in your heart that the book is really interesting, and you cannot handle the eagerness. So you continue reading. All along the journey to the end, you'll find yourself asking questions, trying hard to understand what actually happened, what the narrator is trying to narrate. At the end, you'll probably cry, because it's so heartbreaking. I say it's really heartbreaking, tears dropping book, coz it talks a lot about mother, wait, actually it is about mother. You cannot help to flashback and relate with your own mother, who won't let you down, who always there for you no matter what, who will do anything for you, for your happiness, for your education, for your life. You cannot undo the swirling of your own memories in your mind. You remember your own mother, who serves her shoulders for you to cry on, who gives you anything you want, who sacrifice her food just because you demand her food even when you already had yours, who provides you money for you to go buy things to brag to your friends, who will go for night shifts to make sure you are able to shop and make you happy coz she knows you'll be exaggeratedly happy when you shop. You cannot brush the well of tears on your eyes, because you remember how much you miss your mom, who will never say no when you being such a brat for wanting almost everything that is not important, who wipes your tears when you cry, who picks you up when you fall, who piggy back you when you are too short to see what happen at the front, who never miss to fill your stomach, who never brings you down. It is a story of mother, because hers is where yours begins.

 Easy to say, you will be crazy-homesick after reading this, all you want is to kiss your mom. Yes, you just want to kiss your mother, hug her, and say to her, 'I love you mom. I love you with all my heart. I need you in my life. Without you, I am nowhere near to being a human. You are a great, terrific mother. Your love is pure, true, undivided, unquestionable. I love you, and I would do anything for you. Thank you mother.' 

Then, you cry.

Day 1.

It's time for another challenge! I was thinking of exposing life in India, or probably exposing India itself, but it was a big of a challenge to me since I was going to use my ipad anyway, just because vsco cam in my ipad provides more filters than the one I installed in my phone, or so I thought. Anyway, I cancelled that idea and came up with another idea. I am going to tale tell my room. I know it's weird, but bare with me. I'm going thru a phase now, where I got all whiny about all the mess I made this week so I cleaned up my room squeaky clean. Oh by the way, my mom always praises me for my ability to sweep very neatly that all macro dust vanish, just like that. That kinda macro naked eyes can catch, I mean. But it takes time for me to have a rush with the whole psychotic-neat-sweeping thing, you know. Anyhow, I managed to clean up the entire room tonight, within 2 hours time, if you will, and also, I got to change my bed cover and my comforter, which alone makes me feel cozy but combined, makes me go crazy dizzy because I don't want to get up from my bed, don't judge! Where am I going with this? Ha. I am going to start this whole 'room captcha' for probably up to 6 days. And the challenge starts..... Now! 

                                  

About this cute little squishy thing, my friend bought this for me, obviously, when he was on the way back from home, on a plane. He was at lost at what to buy for souvenir. So he skipped the long curvy bendy hair pin road of thoughts and go straight to the cliche gift of all time, which is a teddy bear. Well, I don't say I'm not grateful, coz I friggin' adore this thang.

Bookstore story.

That fellow just hung up on me!

Here's the deal. Last time, Asida and I went to a bookstore nearby our hospital just because our doctor talked nonstop, persuading us to buy another book for orthopaedics, since he thought the usual book isn't good enough. So, for the sake of not going to receive anymore nagging and all, we decided to just give it a look. When we reached there, the book we wanted was out of stock. Not to waste all the auto money for nothing, we just rummaged through the bookshelves and we asked for Oxford clinical medicine handbook instead. Sadly, only one copy was available and so Asida bought it first. That guy who watched over the small bookstore told me he would give me a ring when the book has arrived and that he would send it to my house. I said OK and left my number there. Boy, had I had all the patience to wait, I would have had the guy not mad at me. Since, you know, patience is not my strong suit, I tethered Asida with me to another bookstore earlier today to find that one particular book. Gladly ungladly, I found the book and bought it in a blink of time, forgetting the fact that I should wait for the first bookstore I left my number at to call me and notify me the book has arrived. Yes, no doubt, the guy called me minutes ago to tell me that the book has arrived, and yes, no doubt, I told him I don't need the book any longer now and he sounded pissed and hence the immediate abrupt off call. I said sorry. I guess he didn't have that much of a patience too. 

More facts.

Oh well.

1. I hate long nails. Really. Don't you think it's kinda ugly when you have long nails, filled with blackish things underneath those nails? Don't you feel like everytime you wash chicken for dinner, some of the chicken fat will get stuck underneath those nail beds? Do you dare to eat omitting the fact that your nails might collect some, say, dust and that obviously doesn't taste good. I don't know bout you, but I'm guessing E.coli will taste yuck. And seriously, I don't see pretty in diarrhoea.

2. Coackroch is my biggest enemy. 

3. I like my books to be messy, not in the way where all got torn up or ripped off from the vertebrae. No, not like that. Just that I like to see my books got all scratchy here and there, with a little bit of crumples and a few dog-ears. The way I see it, messy book brings me in a state of epiphany where I get all the vibe that the owner of the book must be pretty hardworking. Weird, you call it? Nah. It's being true to yourself. It's called living in your skin. 

4. I am not using my laptop since so long. My ipad is enough to distract me from keeping me in focus with my study. Screw you, ipad.

5. My sister makes the best chocolate chip cookies in the world. Ok. She is my sister, so I guess this point is still valid under few facts about me, in case you wanna argue.

6. I am in my final year. Life is hard, exaggerate not.

7. I hate when people start bragging about their hot slim slender bodies. I mean come on. I can see you, you know. You don't need to reemphasise what slim is to me. I can still tell you're slim without you telling me so. And when I give that 'urgh malas nak layan' face, don't get all Bell's palsy on me. Like I said, stop emphasising you're thin. I. Get. It. Shut up.

7. I'm the queen of chocolate. 

Oopsie.

When it comes to any special occasions or anonymous Facebook friends' birthdays, easy to say I am that person who knows those the last. I just realized yesterday was teacher's day, and being that kinda person who is unaware of everything, I came to know it few minutes ago when I scrolled through my Facebook newsfeed. Oh well, India lags one day anyway, so, Happy teachers day to all teachers in the world. If you permit, here's my sappy speech to all my teachers.

I am terrible in getting myself prepared with melodramatic words or sweet speech stuff. I couldn't think of a proper way to wish Happy teachers day than the cliché one. I stutter, truth be told. But what important is that, I want to thank you guys so much for all that you guys have done. I won't even be here if not for your guidance.  For all those ABC, all those 1+1=2, all those 'I' means 'saya', you guys have been terrifically awesome, constantly amazing and beautifully courageous. Thank you is an understatement to describe how thankful I am to have you guys as my teachers. Sadly, thank you is the word I can find in my vocabulary, so thank you. Very much. 

Anyhow, my teachers don't even know I have a blog. Mihmih.

Worthless.

I'm vulnerable when it comes to emotions; A fact that everybody agrees. A fact that I'm most at peace with. A fact that complicates my life sometimes. It's worthless to cry over an emotional Hindustan movie, OK. It's far more worthless to cry over a sad emotional song that suits my condition at that time. Just now, I got tears all welled up in my eyes for watching Runway bride, which I had watched a very long time ago, and it made me feel very, I mean, very weird. Because first of all, that movie isn't that sad, second of all, I don't really like that movie. See the irony? 

I tengah Marah sangat

OK. I am so pissed off I couldn't hold my tears from streaming down my cheeks. I am so furious I feel like throwing tantrum. I am so mad I feel like screaming. 

Technologies are made to benefit people in a way they don't have to wait for the pigeons to send their messages to anonymous or to anyone, because boy, it will take ages. Cell phones are made especially to call your parents, sisters, brothers, boyfriends, girlfriends, yada yada because pay phones are finicky and wayyyy fussy, what with the coins and all. And since technologies have been developing themselves as fast as blink of eyes, people become so insensitive and so ignorant of others surrounding them. Just because they are so many attractive phone games and what not, people become so oblivious they can't really make out whether real life and game life is more real, you know what I mean?

See. I don't know which one pissed me off really bad. The oblivious-insensitive-friend with no empathy when one is so afraid of some terrible news she just heard that almost burst her into tears or the so-very-addictive-game that turns the friend into oblivion. Seriously, you should know that the world still moves even when you are so absorbed with your games that you don't realize what is happening to your friend in the vicinity. You should know that a 'friend in need' is still a thing, and helping a friend is still a polite thing to do even when you are so struck and obsessed and addicted with the high rating game. I don't understand how a person could be so disrespectful when another person is talking to him or her, he or she denies that person and plays with his or her phone, given the least care in the world to that person who is showing effort to talk, to string those vocal cords. Oh wait, I guess the thing we used to call 'manners' is irrelevant nowadays, huh? 

I am in a terrible mood now. 

Oh wait. I don't know why I can't stop crying up till now. Am I so bad for being mad at someone? 

Please.stop.crying.

Again with the same problem.

Have I mentioned before how easily I can get distracted whenever exam is coming soon? Soon as in tomorrow soon? Not that it matters to you, I just cannot prioritize the priorities, you know what I mean? Like, I need to study real hard, tomorrow being exam and all, instead, I spend good hours stalking people on Instagram. Hours. Well, talk about this Instagram thing, I guess the whole point they first made Instagram was that they want people like me, especially me, get distracted very easily and at the end, no work is done. None. Irony is that people still get addictive to that kinda social network bandwagon and the complaints start later when they found out that they serve idle minds right before their professors because they were too busy stalking on Instagram the night before that they forget to read the assigned assignments. Meh. Oh well, as if blogging isn't destructive enough. OK. Here's the truth. I have the last end posting exam for paediatric and here I am, flooded with ideas to write rather than getting soaked into my paediatric textbook. If this isn't destructive, then define destructive. 

Somebody please take my ipad away from me now! 

Moment of impact

Apparently I didn't have enough might to restrain myself from buying something. In my aforementioned post, I told you I was in bankruptcy zone. Remember? Well, I still am. But, I guess the urge to shop was more than the urge to save. Makes sense? The not so good story is, I impulsively took one Mitch Albom's novel from the fiction rack- since The Time Keeper was a pretty good read, and he was one of the international bestsellers via Tuesdays with Morris, so I guess the others he wrote must be good too, and I just scanned the synopsis at the back of the novel, without flipping through any pages of it and bought it, impulsively, again. Of course, I regretted my buying. It's a ghost story!!! You know how I act on a ghost story, don't you? I'd be overly worried and overly scared that I couldn't sleep! Yes. That's how much ghost story affects me. I  resented myself for buying that book. That was my last stash of money, you coconut! To rub some dirt at my nose, I haven't even finished the first two pages of that book. I guess this is that time of the year where I have to challenge myself and start living more adventurously, eh? Start by reading ghost story novel, say?  Fine. Since I have put myself in this situation, challenge accepted!

Oh, btw, I have paediatric end posting tomorrow. Wish me luck! 

Madah.

Wanimsha, that's how they say it here. It means 'wait a minute'(something like that), by the way.

And I, being the most unbelievable person among us all, say 'banimsha' instead of 'wanimsha'. Heh.

Basically, what I was trying to say is that, I suck at listening and interpreting things. Simple.

Anyhow,

You know what it's call when someone is pretty much broke and is living her life with having to scrape off everything left on the plate, instead of keeping her life low, she demands for book-shopping, as according to her, buying books won't get people saying all those judgey stuff to her and rub it in her nose? Plus, she has this urge to shop pouncing on her chest, but she just wants to be sneaky about it and say, 'OMG I wanna shop for books!' just to get away with it. In her mind, all she needs is just to go out there and shop, and books are the easiest thing to put in her trolley and to hush people down when they say 'hey! I thought you have no money in your pocket?!'. You know what it's called? Oh wait. I know. It's me-disease. Darn right.

Oh, have I mentioned that right now, I am obsessed with Japanese food? I don't know. It just came up to me last two days and it made me challenge myself. I just wanna open a small stall so that I can sell my food, is it too much to ask??

Yello!

My things to get list: (I know you'll probably go all weird and judgey, but hey, whose line is it anyway?)

1. All colours of highlighters I can get from the bookstore!

2. A new lab coat. In contrary to three old ones I have now, I still need a new one just because I like the bluish tint colour of a new lab coat. Yes, I'm weird like that.

3. Calendar. Believe it or not, I don't have any calendars on my table or inside my bag or atop my book rack and it is saddening since to be organised, you first need to know the date for whatever plans you're making, and I always fail at that department. Omg I just realized how terrible I am for not having calendar!!! 

4. Restock my chocolates. 

5. Eat pomegranates! Apparently I am too broke to buy some now.

6. Cream cheese to make cheesecake. (I can't find whipping cream in my local supermarket. Why, oh why?)

Anyhoo, craquelinsveloutés with Nutella is what I want now. 

Shop till you drop

If a person asks me, what my week had been?

I would definitely say, patience is everything. 

Well lets see. It's hard to explain how or why I have been living with bankruptcy since this past one month (and the irony is, I know exactly the reason why), but I don't mean to kid you or mock you because I truly am broke. I can't even afford buying Rs 70 per kilo of oranges, imagine that. I have to cook a little bit more in quantity of dinner so that I can parcel some for lunch. That's how broke I am. If I can simplify my life in a sentence right now, I'd say I am at the brink of havin' to sell all of my things or consider a part time job or I will have to survive with Marie biscuits. I know you think I am not serious, but listen this, I literally cried yesterday when I walked myself inside the room to ponder upon how much regret I shoulder because of my own mistakes. You see, shop till you drop is easy, but once you drop, you can barely walk! You won't attain the normal gait that you have to limp to survive. So whoever made the word 'shop till you drop' was crazy, as simple as that. Having said that, thankfully, I have crawl myself out of this misery by keeping myself in check and put myself in the condition where I won't pout over being broke, babble and list out all my complaints, or waste everything that I still have left. It tears me apart when I see someone who supposely longs for lean, slim, attractive body to waste their food just like that without feeling a little bit cringe of guilt. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to demean anybody with my words, but seriously, it shrinks me inside out to see those valuable food get wasted just like that. If you want to eat less, then take less, you know what I mean? Ok, back to my story, the key is that, be patient as being patience can make your life a lot easier by whole lot. It's like you don't have to fret because you know God will not challenge you if you can't tolerate the aftermath or if you can't survive the deal. Sooner or later, you will realize that no matter how hard your life is, how ironclad strong your impact is, it is gonna be just fine after all. Even if you have to survive being vegetarian, then be it. 

The other thing that I want to highlight about my week is that, I know that I was being all aloof and cold when I was young- not that I am old or anything, - but I guess some people won't just forgive you for whoever you were before and people won't respect you, let alone acknowledge you, even if you try so hard to be gentle again. It got me baffled to understand how shallow people can be sometimes but hey, what you give you get back so I guess I just have to follow the rhythm and move at my own rate, bluntly speaking. I had been stung by sadness when I found myself abandoned without no replies when I texted someone or any whatsapp groups or some, but I kept my patience in check and told myself that the trial I made, the move, the effort to flex, extend, adduct and abduct my fingers to type, was the bravest thing I'd done, so I refrained myself from being sad again. 

I guess these are the only things I feel like telling, coz I consider myself pretty busy, what with the second book of The Hunger Games and all. 

Sorry for my writing is a bit wonky as I am not so stable emotionally this few days. 

More plans?

What's wrong to have too much hope? 

1. Finally make it to Taj Mahal! I mean, come on Aisyah! You're in India, of all place. Taj Mahal is a must, yeah? Yes!

2. Visit Kashmir. I here it's the nicest place in India. It's a shame if I can't go there.

3. Eat pani puri, for real. Other than it has a center well where there put some kind of gravy inside, it also has maximum amount of H. Pylori you can imagine, matter-of-fact-ly speaking. Beat that! 

4. Make perfect and delicious macarons, with no cracks whatsoever. Last time I made them, it collapsed and burnt. Talk about doom.

5. Wear a saree! I know I am freakishly small to wear a saree (I highly doubt I can still look beautiful while I look like I am in a burlap, which is not,  since it is a saree, you know what I mean, no?)

6. Finish reading trilogy of hunger games! I'm in my second book now. Oh, the movies don't give the books any justice. The books are so much fun, so much drama, so much empire exciting then what the movies played.

7. Finish reading the whole stock of novels I've bought since I come to India!!!! 

Weekend bersama rakan-rakan

Ahh. If only I can afford my own DSLR, I will finish reading the whole boring manual, promise. Sadly, I can't even afford to buy pomegranate, so bye bye DSLR. *waves waves* 

So these were taken when I went to Mangalore last weekend, just because I had one day holiday and one day holiday is a huge deal when you're studying here in India. So, yeah.

Of the missing airplane..

So here's the story.

While I was queuing with my friends to place our orders, two boys of just about one head shorter than me, was standing beside me, doing what I don't know what they're doing, and it's not the point. So they were first whispering with each other something I couldn't decipher because the honest thing is that, it didn't interest me much to eavesdrop and I was too tired that time to actually care. So I kept my distance and stood upright, waiting for my turn. Then suddenly a voice coming from my right side saying, 'aunty', and it was actually from one of the boys. After a moment of blinking eyes and trying to process that I nodded and smiled. Ok. I guess I just had to accept the fact that being called 'aunty' didn't bother me that much. Then he asked, 'where're you from?' 'Malaysia', I answered, proudly. 'Do you have your country's money?' Asked that same boy. 'Oh sorry. I didn't bring it today'. 'Ask your friends,no', he replied. I was like whaaaaaatttt. I just kept that in my mind, obviously. Then there I was, asking from my friends if they brought any Malaysia's coins. They both shook their heads. The boy kept quiet. After a few seconds of silence, he then asked 'there's an airplane got hijacked in Malaysia, right no?' Boy, was I shocked, aghast, terrified, that time. Had I not pissed off, I would be so much better now. Instead, I got mad inside so much I felt like hating Malaysians right now. Had it not because of their immediate blind speculations or their absurd wild opinions, I wouldn't be so ashamed! 'It's not true. It's a rumor. No one has confirmed anything yet', I answered in bewilderment. 'So where's the ship now?', asked him out of curiosity, boldly. Feeling the pang, feat shame, I answered, 'they haven't found it yet. They're still searching for it. Let's just pray that they're all safe and sound, ok?'. I smiled and placed my order. 

Perhaps, what I should say is that, stop. Stop making speculations. It doesn't give anyone any good. If you're not confirmed yourself,  shut up and keep on update. Stop acting like you own the signals of airplanes' pathways or something. Seriously, now is not the time to be involved too much and blame pilots and what not. There is literally no relation at all, not in any way possible, between politics and this missing airplane. The theory itself is insurmountable. 

Anyhow, let's keep praying for MH370

Here I come........

With a bucket list, again! 

I feel like whenever I'm swarming in my own fantasy land, I'll absolutely come up with few things to be fitted into my bucket list. I mean, come on. Everyone has their own bucket list, right? Please say yes, so that I can proclaim myself that I am not a demanding woman! Well, ok, let's see......... 

I want my dream house to have :

1. Ice cream machine! -so that I can invite people over every weekend, if I'm available, and eat my ice cream! I'll be of no off-supply of dessert. That's the coolest thing evaaaaa, am I right or am I right?

2. Huge oven- that huge as to pay my revenge! What? 

3. Squeaky clean counter- ok I know, it's like taking my own medicine, no?

4. Waffle maker- been wishing for this since forever! Who doesn't like waking up to a good smell of fresh waffle, with chocolate sauce and peanut butter? Ah. It's like floating on the clouds, except you get to eat the clouds, you know what I mean?

5. Juicer- that's here for my digestive system. Juice with no tiny bits of the seed or whatnot? Yeah. It'd be delightful, is it not? 

That's it, for now. 

Sweet isn't sweet anymore. More like tangy but not exactly.

I don't know what syndrome it is called, or what name it is, but all I know is that, whenever I am all stressed up with exam or when I feel all very busy with exam, I will spontaneously update a post on my blog, here. I mean come on! It's a disease, isn't it?

So, obviously I have an upcoming exam-which migraine me-and due on Monday. I feel terribly shaky because first of all, I don't really know how to ask questions, let alone understand what they complain. Second, this is the first time in forever that I'll be the first one to be asked, which makes me all giddy and darn nervous, naturally. I just hope that I'll pass. That's all.

I miss home, and I am starting to feel like, my sweet Malaysia isn't sweet anymore, what with the shaman and everything. Seriously, if you want to be popular, do something else, say, exophthalmos-ly bulge. your eyes or something, that's more hilarious than carrying two coconuts on both hands like a paralysed person with shoulder dislocations coming with complaint of inability to bring down both hands. If you want to show some dramatically illogic out-of-the-world-insane show, lose the songkok will ya? stop being such a vandal by creating such scene in an airport. Duh.  I guess airports should have zero shaman index, just like zero Aedes Agypti index. See what I mean?

I seriously hope that all the passengers on MH370 are safe and sound right now. 

The Bell Jar really is depressing!

This is the time of the year where I got all homesick and everything. I miss both Danials. I feel like I have  a lot to catch up with both my nephews and they have been showing great milestones, which I am proud of, and which I am partly sad because I am not there to track their growth. Well, like it or not, I just have to endear what has happened and what is going to happen, past and present. That's it.

I have been pretty busy lately, if I say so myself, and the best yet is that I got myself a straight line of erythematous papules (whatttt?! Ipad autocorrected my 'papules' with 'apples'. Now that's funny!) over my right shoulder and it got me aghast, what with my over-worriedly diagnosis of herpes zoster or probably tinea. Dang. Call me crazy, but who doesn't do that? Over diagnosing oneself? That's easy! It's like you think you have tumour in your brain but all you have is just a simple headache, or better yet, you feel like you have all the organomegaly (again, Ipad broke me to a full blown laughter by autocorrecting me with organometallic over my organomegaly. You are so funny, autocorrect!) you can name when the only final diagnosis is that you have a bloated stomach because you eat too much. Ouch. 

-so since the electric supply has jolted back to our apartment from a few minutes of blackout, I am now permitted to publish my post, which I have written few minutes ago, but due to the obvious aforemention reason, I couldn't published it yet till now-