Masa untuk puase!!!

Ramadhan is coming this Sunday!!!!! I hope this Ramadhan will be much better than last year, insyaAllah. So, are you guys prepared? I know Loyal World supermarket has! They sell lots of dates of variety of choices there! My dad will go banana when there is any sale for dates, really.

Anyhoo, I've been doing ok lately, thanks. This Monday will be the last day of our eighth term so yes, wear stepping into ninth term, needless to say and boy I'm shivering. I don't know what to expect or how to interpret my feeling just yet coz whooshing into ninth term isn't exactly a fun, fancy thing to do. Yes I'm happy. Yes I'm afraid too coz it means I'm wayyyy behind and there's a lot of thing in front. I guess you know how I feel now. It's complicated, easy to say.

Before I get back to my homework ( yeah. We still have that, mind you), I would like to quote 9gag. Face your problem, don't Facebook it. That's that.

Kao niew mamuang

I don't even know whether my spelling is correct or not, but hey, you don't want to be the spelling inspector now, do you?

So basically, Kao niew mamuang is a Thailand sweet dish, which is made with glutinous or sticky rice, coconut milk and mangoes. 

Omputih panggil mango sticky rice.

Org Melayu panggil pulut mangga.

Org India panggil, entah lah. I have to ask them later. Noted.

I googled a lot of recipes and I also you-tubed some. They say one is never enough, right? I had to search for so many just to find the perfect one, or so I thought. Oh wait, more so the simplest one coz hey, I am not going to open a restaurant in the near future, so why bother with some tricky, fussy, finicky, complicated steps, am I right? If you are a full time student like I am, I think this recipe might help. 

The ingredients are basically the same in all recipes I googled. 

I used;

2 cups glutinous rice 

1 tin of lite coconut milk ( lite, just to make everyone agrees)

1 teaspoon corn flour

Small amount of sugar ( according to your taste buds)

Wee bit of salt

Mangoes 

Watermelon seeds (I know you'll go WHAAATTTTT, but hey, boleh Makan lahhh!!)

1. Wash the glutinous rice properly till the rice water appears clear. Then you need to soak the rice for at least..... Well, for as long as you want. Haha. They say for about 30 minutes, some say overnight. Being the terrible impatient person like I am, I soaked for about 20 minutes, just because I went for my Asar prayer and it took 20 minutes. So, if you can wait, then wait. If you don't, then don't. Easy. 

2. Steam the rice till halfway cooked, then add 1/2 cup coconut milk with some salt. Stir. Be careful not to burn yourself (coz steam is very very hot) and not to add too much salt (coz hypertension is not cool). You know the rice is cooked when it appears to be translucent and tender. 

3. With the remaining coconut milk, warm it in the saucepan with some sugar. Keep on stirring. When it comes to a simmer, add the corn flour diluted with a small amount of water. You don't want to add the corn flour directly to the simmering coconut milk coz it can become clumpy and that doesn't look pretty. So just dilute it with water, then pour into your coconut milk. Keep on stirring. Extra tip, if you don't have corn flour with you, then don't panic or rush to the grocery shop. Just substitute with 2 spoons of all purpose flour, it will do just fine.

4. For extra kick, roast some seeds of your choice. My local supermarket was out of stock of sunflower seeds, so that's the reason why I used watermelon seeds instead of sunflower seeds. You can totally omit this, but believe me, crunchy element brings this dish to another level. 

5. Cut your mangoes and put all the things together in a plate. Done!

Ok, jemput Makan.

Day 1; I don't think my challenge is really up-to-date.

I wrote this on Father's Day.. A short novel just to spend some time not wasted by watching Sofia Vergara.

"Honey!!! Come for dinner! I have prepared your favourites and they're awesome!! Can you smell them from your room? Wahh!!" 

I hated it! Gah! Everytime my dad calls me, to dinner, to school, to go somewhere, he always shouts like I am the deaf one. I am not deaf! And stop calling me honey! He isn't as romantic as he sounds! Why does he always trying so hard to be sweet and all? I can't understand and I never will. Everything about my dad aches me. If it's not because of him, my mom will still be here, with me, we'll go shopping like we used to, we'll do stuff like I can never imagine myself doing it with my dad, like talk about boyfriends, or play make up. I hate him. I just. Hate. Him.

It's not fair. Since my mom left, I have to stay with him, not that I have any other choice, but if and only if I have a choice, staying with my dad will be the last one, that's for sure. I used to love my dad. When I was a child, I always put him first before everything. I looked up to him. I never thought of getting married with someone who doesn't resemble even one molecule of resemblance from my father. He, of course, spoilt me with everything in his will. I remembered when he had to storm the thunder and the heavy rain just to get me an ice cream because I was crying crazy when my mom scolded me. The aftermath, his temperature shot up way too high he got admitted and I wouldn't even stay with him in the ward because wards were creepy, but he, being whoever he was, never asked for me to stay with him, he promised me he will buy me lots of chocolates when he recovers and that he smiled when I waved my hands bye-bye and let him stay overnight in the creepy ward full with people coughing yellow expectorant and severe excoriating erythematous rashes which made me wanna throw up. When I was 7, I had a stupid crush over one stupid boy, and believe it or not, that stupid boy literally crushed my heart. I cried too much although I knew I was only 7 but being as 7 year old as I was, I thought of that love as a huge thing worth of writing in my stupid diary and my stupid diary was big of a deal back then. I went crazy that day and made the house like a total hell with my toys, my stuffs and everything else. My mom got so mad when she came from work and she was going to run amok on me but dad, being the all-time-guardian, scolded my mom instead and cleaned all my mess and bought me ice cream, again. Ice cream was the thing I loved so much back then. Without ice cream, I was nothing. Like whole of dad's life was devoted to me, and my whole life was devoted to ice cream. Easy to say, I was his life, and I still am. I can go on a limb and say, he will die for me too. But I won't allow it. Coz I hate him now. 

My dad always say I am his little angel, and that makes my head throbs and I swear I will saliva vomit if he continues to be all cheesy and mushy. "Honey!!!! Do you want vanilla or chocolate ice cream??!!" 

"I don't want ice cream!!!!! I hate ice cream!!! (And I hate you!!!!- but that just got trapped in my mind, but boy how I wish I had all the guts to say that to him right on his face)", I shout back from my room with closed dorm upstairs. I don't understand why he won't give it a rest, although I have showed him all the diagnostic signs of my abhorrent, my disguise of him. I never eat with him anymore, let alone acknowledging whether he has eaten or not. What I know is that I will go downstairs when I'm hungry and I will have a plateful of good food (OK. He is a good cook, I have to grant him that. Furthermore, I have never seen my mother in the kitchen since the day I was born from my mother's big pouch inside her stomach) and get myself into the room again. I wouldn't care to watch TV with him coz I have my own TV in my room (I requested for my own since the day my mother left, and he granted me that wish. Practically, it's his fault I won't watch TV with him together like we used to, right?).  I never greet him from work anymore. I never care to do house chores. I never listen to his nagging. I never even give him a glance or a smile. Like I said, I hate him.

I always know I ain't really well like the other kids in my school. I never played tag, never climbed trees, never had a marathon. I don't know why but all I know, I will never feel really active to even stand upright for more than 45 minutes, and that's the reason why I hibernate myself in my house, my room to be exact, and not going on window shopping with my teenage friends. I spend most of my time reading teenybopper novels and cry to the sick love romance. Well, the point is, if I am well like my friends, I wouldn't have to stay hours and hours together with my sick-pathetic-annoying dad and listen to him talk from downstairs or at the front of my room door coz I won't open the door to let him inside and tell me stories I won't want to listen. You know, even his voice makes me itchy now. I just want him to shut up. I hate him.

My mother left me when I was 13 ( I abstain myself from keeping track with my age, my birthdays, all big things occurring in my life since my mom left me), and the reason is still unknown to me. I couldn't fathom the sudden absentees of my mother the next day I woke up early in the morning, nor do I have the gut to ask my dad what actually happened the night before coz I heard them screaming, yelling, no-no-ing, and then I heard the front door slammed shut. I continued sleeping coz I thought they were having the regular fights they always had and that my father was going to buy me ice cream ( my dad kept on buying me ice cream even after I've attained my puberty and gained secondary sexual characters. He didn't just buy it for me when I was being spoilt brat or in a shitty conditions, he bought ice cream for me even when he's mad, and yep, saying it out loud makes me think he's really mad, crazy, insane). All I know is that the next morning, my mother didn't shout 'bye' like she used to and she never came home after 12 am, like she did everyday. When I asked dad where's mom, he said, "honey, mom's never coming back, so it's just you and me now, OK. Now, shall we go for an ice cream?". "No. I don't want ice cream. I want mom!!", I yelped. "Oh honey, mom's never coming back and you're too young to understand. Know that you're an angel to me and that I'll never leave you. Come on now honey, let's go for an ice cream. Chocolate ice cream? Yum!". "NOOOOOO!!! I don't want ice cream!! I want mom!!!!", I shouted along the way to my room, and that was the last time I spoke to him and the last relationship I have with ice cream, coz ice cream and I, we're over. And from that time onwards, I hate him.

This morning, I fell down the stairs when I was going to my room and I think I hit my head, hard. All I know is that I am now in the hospital, and I am connected to all these kind of weird machines that go all beep beep, like an about to die person tethered to a device that will go all beep beep when he's no longer breathing, and it makes me feel pathetic. I want to run away but I think my mitochondria just won't cooperate with me coz I feel, really, terribly weak. I feel very sick. Very, very sick. My head is spinning like crazy like I am on a roller coaster that only goes up, never coming down. My body aches like crazy like a machine gun, firing at a constant rate. My dad isn't with me, and I won't bite. It doesn't make any difference anyway. The next minutes, one doctor with his crew of people in white coats (which look to me as if they haven't eaten a single finger licking good food coz they look pretty dull and unattractive!). The doctor tells me that I have end stage renal dyplasia (like I know what that means. Duh) and that I may need a renal transplant. And upon hearing that word, my world goes blank.

When I wake up, I feel my limbs are paralysed and I can barely move. That moment, I don't want anything else than death and death alone. I just wanna be dead. I feel terribly sick. I can't even juggle other words in my dictionary but I am very very sick. The nurse, then hands me this small piece of paper, and I read it. It says, 

Honey,

I know life is hard since your mom left you. I tried so hard to make you happy but I guess your mom didn't just leave the house in one piece, she took away all your happiness and joy too. And that makes me feel terrible. 

Honey, 

You know I love you so much, I hope you know I do. Coz I love you so much even Romeo and Juliet love is not as much as I love you. I love you so much sky isn't a limit. I love you so much no one can stop me from doing anything for you. I love you so much I would do anything for you. And I love you so much I would give up my life on you, or even my kidney for that matter.

Honey, 

You have this disease I don't understand but the doctor said he needed a new kidney for you or else you would die. And believe it or not, my kidney is compatible for you! Looks like my kidney loves you too. And so, I agreed to give you my kidney and believe me, I would even give you my heart if that makes you healthy, and happy.

Honey,

I know you are all grown up now but I still think you're my small girl, not ready to face the war alone, not ready to overcome the world alone. That's why I keep it silence everything about your mom. I guess I was wrong to keep it a secret and that I am going to tell you that your mother is nice person. She really is. Just maybe, she got caught up with the glam, the charm, the money, the wealth of another man that she forgot she has a child. I didn't ask much from her. All I want is that she at least look after you and I wouldn't mine if she doesn't want to give a crap about me. But she said no. She didn't want any of us. That's the reason she left. I'm so sorry. I really am sorry. 

Honey,

You know I love you so much. I want you to stay happy, to stay healthy. Keep my kidney in check ok? Take good care of yourself. You're my pride, my world, my everything. 

Honey,

If I don't come out of the operation room in a piece, please know that I will always love you and I will always be there for you, even I am not exactly there. Please, please, take care of yourself, your health and everything. Please marry a good cook. And please eat ice cream back.

Honey,

You will always be my little angel.

Yours, 

Your dad.

I yell for dad so loud my lungs feel like collapsing and the nurses hold my hands tight, and one of them say, "I'm sorry. Your dad couldn't make it. I'm sorry"

My whole world goes blank. Black. Dark.

I want to die. I hate MYSELF.

Day 2; Hiccups.

How to train your dragon 2 was simply amazing, I tell you that! Boy that guy was so handsome! He's transformed into somewhat very mature (and very handsome) guy of say, 20 year? Having said that, Hiccups reminded me of someone I know, who looks almost similar, except Hiccups is way fairer and less hairy (beardy, not as in chest hairs or something. No) . Oh and I loveeeee the girl's braid! Brilliant! 

Anyhow, I am going to talk about The Fault in Our Stars, but later, probably.

Day 3; flickering.

Hush there pal! I'm very busy getting all soaked up and absorbed with this The Fault in Our Stars it makes me tear!

All I can say for now, I would love to get me some Augustus Waters, not actually and literally, but you know what I mean. 

Day 4; what's is wrong with me?! (Read with Jennifer Lawrence's tone)

I'm pissed off right now. Bad.

1. I don't understand the definitions of words sometimes. Not literally, but as in I don't understand how people misuse words, or use them in incorrect timings. Like, "I can't look at my phone, if I do, I'll lose my family". Define family. Is family something that will leave you if you check your phone once or twice? Ok. I understand if someone scolds you for checking your phones now and then, it's rude. It is the definition of rude. But once or twice, will it lose you family? Seriously, will it? Coz hey, I might be wrong but what I do understand is that family is the one that will stay by you, stay with you, and look up for you. I'm a doll to give you another example like this, " I am not lazy but I don't want to iron my clothes", coz honestly, I say it too many times I can't keep track. Again, define lazy in that scenario. 

2. My neurotic psychotic ups and downs variable emotions are going wayyy more crazier than it was before. I mean, now, I am more of a freak than a weirdo. Not a bimbo, but freak. Narcissistic, sometimes. Mostly, freak. One minute you see me smile ear to ear, the next, you see tear streaming down my cheeks. How you interpret that? Sometimes I feel funny, but there's a chance that I might think that that isn't funny any longer within split second, then I feel mad. See? You cannot get any freakier than that, can you?

3. At this point, I can go on a limb and tell nobody, as in, no human being with an aorta can understand me, let alone cope with me. People don't tolerate me. Wait. Don't is an overstatement. They not not tolerate me, just that I can get on their nerves sometimes and things will get, Hm, how to say it, awkward? Sometimes, I speak things that comes straight through my mouth without allowing the thought or the signal of words transmission circulating in my brain for me to realize that the words I speak sound so wrong and irrelevant. Cancel that sometimes. Replace with most of the times. Meh is the word that is very appropriate now. Meh.

4. I am pissed off because I am pissed off. Please understand. 

Day 5; late.

What's your favourite colour? 

- pink, as if that isn't obvious still.

What's your favourite cartoon?

- there're a lot of them. Powerpuff girls, chibimaruko chan, Pokemon, to name a few.

What's your favourite movie?

- oh my god. I have too many favourites to list down is aching. Easy to say any movies with handsome actors with great haircuts and cute accents and beautiful actresses who have brains.

What's your favourite series?

- I have to go with The Vampire Diaries. But hey, Modern Family makes me laugh and cry too.

What's your favourite song?

-  the song I sing.

What's your favourite food?

- anything as in everything.

What's your favourite princess?

- Cinderella. To tell the truth, I like her shoes more than she herself.

What's your favourite sport?

- if rummaging through the kitchen to find good food is a sport, than yeah. My favourite.

What's your favourite animal?

-anything that neither bite nor scratch.

What's your favourite berries?

- seriously, I only know the existence of only few berries, and they are all my favourites.

What's your favourite book?

- wait I have to think. Ok. All Khaled hosseini's.

What's your favourite shoes?

- Why don't you go find out what's my favourite by seeing my shoe collections?

Day 6; lagi 5 hari ngeh ngeh.

Hello. 

Today is the second day of my medicine posting and boy it's hard. I feel like a kindergartener when I'm in medicine. It's hard for me to cling to it, you know what I mean? I found myself weak in medicine. I mean, my basic knowledge itself is meager. So how am I supposed to wow my way through this one then, huh? I guess I have to try harder. Nothing is easy in this world, right? First, I need to cut down my time spend on watching Sofia vergara's interviews. But I like her. I like her spontaneous answers, her jerky funny actions, and her thick and interesting accent, says myself. Well, Aisyah, no pain no gain.

Other than that, I miss home. This, I know I keep on telling here and there, now and then. Still, I am terrible at hiding my feelings. I am very bad at keeping feelings hidden. If I'm sad, I cry. There's no doubt in that. If I'm angry, I yell. Well, that's that.

By the way, have I mentioned that I don't edit my post the time I write my post? I mean, after I finish writing a post, I won't take time to re-read my whole post to check if there's any spelling mistake or any non-mistakes corrected by Siri which turns to be mistakes. Thankfully, Siri doesn't correct me like the one she did on one of the messages someone posted on Ellen, which was, steam crisped nipples and I highly doubt that the person was even thinking of nipples, let alone noticing to the existence of steam crisped nipples. Anyhow, I don't. I usually just publish my post and 'walk away' until whenever I am free again, usually on the next day, then I will re-read my post and correct whatever I think is wrong.  So yeah, if you find something weird on my post, read again the next day, OK? 

Photo, later. I have homework to do now. 

Day 7; late post.

I know I was supposed to post one day for yesterday but I was too tired! I slept very late, so yeah.

After all, I don't have any interesting story to tell on my account. But I do have interesting photo to share. Let's see.

Yeah. Food photo. The kinda photo that you'll always love to look.

My writing is getting boring each and everyday. T.T

Day 8; cerita keropok

Microwaved keropok ikannggg terengganunggg.. Because, I'm too lazy to deep fry them. That's why.

Tapi percayalah, yg goreng punye jauh lagi sedap dr yg ni punye. 

Day 9; next time, serve better excuses, shall we?

OK I reconsidered and I guess I don't have anything else better to post anyway, so I take it back. I recancel my cancellation. It's on.

Today, I want to pep talk you into 'making excuses'. See. I'm an optimist woman, or so I thought. I am a straightforward person though my fat mouth can hurt sometimes, but hey, I'm straightforward person, haven't I mentioned that already? I am not used to making sweet talks, blanketing the truth, seasoning lies with spices so that the lies will be more tasty, you get me? Cut to the chase, I don't admire excuses. Like, when you don't want to attend some occasions, just say, 'sorry. I don't feel like going'. When people ask why, like they usually do, just tell, 'because I don't feel like it. And I am too sleepy to even stand on my own two feet.' There. That's a valid reason. Not some mess up darn excuses like, 'because I need to send my bags because it's too heavy', or something like 'oops. I suddenly got an acute attack of headache. Acute.'. Meh. You know, everytime a person comes up to me and give that solid excuses, solid, people, I will just nod but in my mind, I have this huge laughter and this bad conception and bad impression. Well, like I said, I can't survive excuses if it gets too much, you know what I mean? Once, twice, ok. Everyone have lists of them. But too lot of them, boy I wanna explode. I just love 'em excuses. *bateyelashes*

Guess what? 

Those are the results of Asida and I after quite a time of spoiling our noses with too much of perfumes. They gave us plenty of trials, plentayyyyy, and we came back from mall with this feeling of having our noses gone. 

No more challenge, me think.

I probably think I would just cancel off this challenge. Yep. I think I'll do that.

The truth is, I don't think anyone, ever, will understand me, ever. I am the very complicated kind of complicated human being. 

Sometimes, the person you care the most is the person that will hurt you. The person who you want to tell everything to is the person who won't even listen to you. The person who you hope would comfort you is the person that's gonna break you. Agreed.

Day 10; my Angelina Jolie has left me.

Yep. Exactly. I'm playing minion game again. 

Other than that, I, oh wait, we were very sad and disappointed because they have stopped showing maleficient in the cinemas and they were out of stock of caramel popcorn. Believe.

This is just outside my house. I like my new purple socks and my new casual shoes a lot. 

Day 11: I'm planning to escape

Right now, I don't know what to say, except, I want to get married fast. Boleh?

Photo, later. Now I'm deprived of idea.

My stomach is just too full from dinner. All I can think is I wanna throw up.

Update: I spent 3 hours managing my ipad. I was trying to find good games for my nephews. I know. I know. I really know. You know what I know. Shut up.

I really want to throw up. The consequence of not chewing your food properly then make a ran right after because you're too afraid it's going to rain. Come on stomach. Work well, pretty please! 

The in between

1. I am extremely homesick. Everything, seriously, almost everything related to my family makes me burst into tears. 

2. Although most of you won't believe me, I am all limpin' serious that I am fat. My weigh is 51 kgs. now believe me? Plus, like Eva longoria said, you don't know what's underneath all this. You don't know what we have to do, how much pressure we need to withstand to suck in when camera shoots. 

So, trust me or not, it's your choice. But I still am sad coz I am fat but I cannot stop eating. Stop. Eating. Not. 

Day 12; I am all ballooned up.

I told you I was going to make Congo bars right? I did. I made them day before yesterday and they taste so good. I still have some left. I refrain myself from finishing them all coz I need something to munch while I watch all Jennifer Lawrence's interviews.

Anyway, today I slept off really deeply in my afternoon class and I felt partly terrible and partly awesome. Terrible, because it's not what a good student would do. Awesome, coz it's hard to maintain a good posture and not being caught red handed at the same time. So, yeah.

Other than that, my day is same old same old. I woke up, went to hospital, attended posting, rushed to bus, ate at canteen, came for afternoon class then came home. Same old, same old. Nothing new. 

My homemade blondies, or brookies, or whatever name you want them to be. They taste delicious nonetheless!

Day 13; mundane.

The one thing that irritates me the most is a tough, brave, reluctant-to-come-out-from-it's-fossa pimple! It irritates a lot it makes me neuropraxic just thinking about it! As we all know, I am that crazy freak who snaps at pimples. Yep. CRAZY. I can't resist myself from pinching the pimples with my own two nails. They say it's not good to use nails to try and sandwich your pimple to make it pops out, coz it can leave you scars and everything. But, like I said, I just couldn't resist. Nuh-uh. So yeah, I spent my half an hour struggling to make my pimples pop out. The result, my pimples stay hidden, oh, not only do they hidden, they deepen into one kinda pouch that I can't reach to squeeze. Also, I have scars on my face. Previously, my face has already so much of scars, pimples, acnes (well, they are the same) and blackheads. Now, more scars are available. 

I'm talking about pimples now???!

LAMe!!!

I like my princess-y cekak.

Oh btw, Makan roti canai cecah sambal dulu sebelum kuah kari dengan cecah kuah kari dulu baru sambal are two different things, OK!

Day 14: I'm going to make some blondies!

I don't know it's the weather or what, but I do know my head is aching terribly. Nausea, checked. Sleepy, checked. Irritated, checked.

Plus, I have finished my one whole family pack of Baskin Robbins, with a little guilty of being more fat than I am know. Ok. Hush. I hate when people are so obsessed of getting lean and slim bodies they wanna look like mummified dry skeletonised humans. If you wanna be healthy, fine. If you wanna be as slim as paper, nah. Oh, if you wanna diet, get a proper diet! You cannot just simply skip meals especially breakfast! So the nerd speaks.

Now I feel like making Congo bars. Ok. I should go to the supermarket opposite my house to buy some groceries. Taa.

Photo, later.

Day 9. Stay.

Madness is a destruction.

You tend to bombard words without knowing the consequences.

You tend to yell without circulating your words in your brain.

You tend to punch someone without any conscience.

You tend to scream without considering anyone else's eardrum.

Madness is a destruction.

Having said that, I think I am the kinda freak who channels all her emotions to being mad and furious just to blanket her sadness of letting go. Yep. I'm exactly that. I tend to channel all my sadnes, gloominess, fear of getting left behind, fear of being independent yada yada by screaming, crying, yelling, snapping at everyone else. I know it's the definition of crazy, but I guess I am not as strong as how I imagine myself am. 

Of course, I know whatever comes next, I have to endure, mould, and withstand all by myself but hey, you'll never know how strong you are until being strong is the only thing left, remember?

It's not like I'm losing someone or something, nope. It's just that I am feeling more alone than ever now. 

Anyhow,

I am going to start wih another challenge which will take two weeks, and just two weeks. Simply because two weeks is the perfect time for a challenge, if you will. I am going to write something about my day for this two weeks and upload photo of what I think best explains my condition at that point of time. Sounds like  I am going to storm inside all the hullabaloo, but this is actually a simple challenge since I am that kinda person who talks a lot too. Well, writes a lot, if you're being pessimist about it.

And today is the last day of my 'room photos' challenge.

'Be safe and sound.'

Toodaloooo.